


This Fire in the Blood

by MyrsineMezzo



Series: A Kind of Paradise [3]
Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Angst, F/M, Smut, mostly angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:14:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 41,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24362632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyrsineMezzo/pseuds/MyrsineMezzo
Summary: The conclusion to "A Kind of Paradise."
Relationships: Nikolai Lantsov/Zoya Nazyalensky, The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov
Series: A Kind of Paradise [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1758988
Comments: 110
Kudos: 120





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Don’t look at me like that. I wanted them to ride off into the sunset happily ever after, but that's just not what this story ever wanted to be. Don't mind me, I'll be weeping in a corner as I write the rest of this...

“In all the universe nothing remains permanent and unchanged but the spirit.” - Anton Chekhov

"Yes, not long ago I, too, had three suns; now the two best have set. If only the third would follow, I should feel happier in the dark." - Wilhelm Müller "Die Nebensonnen"

The soft sounds of a summer night crept up on a kingdom whose story was like something out of a fairy tale--a fairy tale where the trials and tribulations of undying love only ever ended in happiness and contentment. The kingdom's rulers were like the hero and heroine of just such a tale. They were opposites of sun and shadow who had fought together and bled and sacrificed for what they had built In that land where there had once been the endless darkness and monsters of the Shadow Fold followed by an eerie summer whose horrors and magic had signaled an equally unbalanced world. Now, when Alina Starkov leaned back in her chair and brushed her long, golden-brown hair with her gilded brush, she felt like that original fairy tale must almost have run its course. She had truly found a happily ever after, and that "after" would be a long and joyful one.

She was the Sun Summoner, she was a queen, and she no longer felt unsure of herself in either role, but instead felt gifted with the kind of safety and surety that came with time and age. Yes, the tale was winding to a slow close, she thought. And there was nothing frightening in that, only the feeling that a new tale was perhaps waiting to be told. She was ready for one, but she was also just as ready for a long, unhurried resolution where years of peace and plenty unspooled around her. 

They had paid their dues, and for the past fifteen years, her people, herself, and those she loved had tasted the kind of slow-savored victory and ease that came after hardship. It was still difficult to comprehend that it had been such a long time since the Battle of Kribirsk and the founding of Zelenyyi Mir. Fifteen years of ups and downs, happiness and sorrows. And through it all she'd had her friends and the love of her life by her side. More than anyone else, it was him, Aleksander Morozova, who had helped her to become the strong and confident woman that looked back at her from the mirror.

She was still a relatively young woman, and she looked like an even younger one since her power kept her unchanged as it likely would for centuries, just as Aleksander's power had flowed around and sustained him throughout his many, many years of life. Alina smiled at the thought that they had so much time stretching out between them, and each day of it reassured her that she had made the correct choices to get them to their present surroundings. Where once she had doubted herself and the decisions she had made, she felt now that it was as if she had guided her course through the eye of a needle like a golden thread made up of the fates of those she loved and cherished. Against all odds, she had kept from hurting or marring the pattern of their lives.

Glancing down at a diplomatic missive that her trusted advisor Genya Safin had left with her, she wished that the happiness her own nation felt could be shared by all those on the continent and beyond. But tensions between the various nations always ran high, although they were hidden behind smooth civilities and carefully-crafted words. There was war because of those tensions, and at the moment there was something of an icy standoff between the usually neutral Kerch and the Shu Empire. Shots had been fired, ships had been boarded, but no kind of full-scale invasion had taken place for either country, if mostly because the Kerch paid men and women from Novyi Zem and the Southern Colonies to remain ready to fight alongside building a blockade of ships to surround their island nation. The Shu seemed to be inclined to wait them out and pick off merchant ships and warships here and there instead of sending their own forces to attack directly. So, when it came down to it, all continued to be well. 

Alina was still pleased at the peace between her own nation and that of the others. Zelenyyi Mir had become the neutral territory where all could come to plead for a home and were then granted one. She was most pleased at the current state of affairs between the country and her former homeland of Ravka. The fact that it was Nikolai Lantsov who still sat the throne with the woman who had once been called Zoya Nazyalensky by his side had a lot to do with that. Grisha moved freely between the two countries, and trade was good. More than that, between their combined military might, they forced Fjerda and the Shu Empire to keep to their own devices and to leave their people alone. The Alliance that had once threatened all she loved was truly dead.

Fifteen years of peace and happiness. Alina felt a helpless smile lift the corners of her mouth. It seemed that Marena, the witch whose province was death and dreams, had been wrong in her prediction all those years ago of calamitous war and endless death at Aleksander's hands. And Alina rejoiced at that wrongness. She had never told him of that prediction, holding onto the words as if keeping them from being spoken again would ensure they never came to pass. 

_With the right push, my favored child could be the cause of more destruction than you can imagine_... 

Thank the Saints that push had never come, Alina thought. And if it hadn't come by now, she didn't think it ever would.

On that thought, a small, crowing voice broke through the relative silence. "Mama! Mama! Grandmother says I can start tomorrow!"

Alina's face lit up, because nowhere was she more happy to have proven Marena wrong than through the small ball of roiling energy that was her and Aleksander's daughter. The little girl skidded around the edge of the door, her dark hair streaming behind her as she flew forward to land at Alina's feet.

Alina set down her brush and looked down at her daughter gravely as she raised her eyebrows. "Lada Morozova. Have you been bothering your grandmother about training again?"

The child's face suddenly took on a guilty expression. "No..." she started to say, although Alina couldn't help but noticed the little girl's dark eyes were careful not to make eye-contact with her mother's. 

Alina sighed. "Oh, sweetheart. You're only six. You know you won't be tested for your powers for another year."

As Lada's face began to scrunch up in dismay, the sound of a distinct harrumph sounded from behind them. Why was Alina not surprised that Grandmother had arrived in tow. 

"Why wait?" Baghra asked, her voice dry as sand as she said, "There's no magic number for when the power appears, and there is no reason to believe the girl cannot start sooner. Were _you_ tested on your seventh birthday?"

Alina met Baghra's eyes in the mirror's reflection and frowned. "Well, no. I guess technically we didn't know how old I was when I was tested. We thought I might have been around eight."

Baghra nodded in a satisfied way and tapped her walking stick on the ground as if to punctuate her words. "There you have it, then. Her father could call shadows to himself earlier than seven. It will not hurt to push her a little." Baghra paused and rolled her eyes at Alina's expression. "Fine. Don't think of it as pushing. It will not hurt to 'encourage' her a little."

Alina looked down at Lada whose expression was now pleading, and she smiled at the girl. "It sounds like you'll be having quite the adventure tomorrow. Don't drive your grandmother mad with questions. She doesn't like those."

The expression in her daughter's eyes became a very familiar and crafty one. "Maybe I just have to ask the questions in the right way."

Baghra snorted. "She definitely takes after her father. He was always pestering me with 'Why' and 'Why Not' and thinking I didn't know that was what he was doing with his little word games."

So Aleksander had learned how to also do that at a young age. Somehow, Alina wasn't surprised since he played those games so well. The small frown that sprang from thinking of Aleksander's difficult childhood melted away when Lada wrapped her arms around her mother's legs and chirped, "Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'll be so good, and I'll be the best Grisha ever."

Alina smiled more broadly. "I'm sure you will be," she said and leaned over in her chair to kiss the top of her daughter's head before smoothing the dark hair that lay in tangles from her racing around the palace as she always did. The diminutive little girl lived full-tilt and with an open heart, her voice trilling up and down the halls as she played and sang to those she considered to be her friends, which was the entirety of the palace and practically the entirety of the kingdom itself. She was more beloved by the nation than Alina was and more beloved than Aleksander would ever be by far. Ironically, she looked less like her mother and father and more like her irritable grandmother who stood not much taller than the little girl and whose eyes softened infinitesimally around the child--a miracle of Lada's worthy of a Saint.

Alina cleared her throat meaningfully. "Bedtime," she said. 

"Reading?" the little girl wheedled in return. 

Alina laughed. "I'll get your father. Now, go get ready for bed and we'll be there soon."

Lada launched herself up and out of the room, calling her goodbyes to her grandmother as she did so.

Baghra snorted again. "That child is a handful." 

"She's perfect," Alina said in exchange, and it was mostly true. To her, anyways.

"You could probably do with some training, yourself," Baghra sniffed. "Who knows when you'll need it again. Maybe never, maybe tomorrow.”

Alina did her best not to bristle at the criticism and instead nodded, saying, "I suppose I could stop by the training rooms. It never hurts to be prepared." 

Baghra fell silent, and Alina turned to move behind the dressing screen to change into her own nightgown. It was easier to give in to the older woman than to argue with her, and Alina did still love using her powers. Every time she remembered what it had been like to go without them before her encounter with Marena, she ended up hustling back to the training rooms to make sure she never lost her abilities or felt a lack of control ever again. The thrumming call of _merzost_ always lay in the back of her mind, whispering of all she could do--of the power she could take and use. But Aleksander had been right about the call dulling with time. And balance was what she needed, which training with Baghra gave her…no matter how irritable the older woman became with her. 

Alina smiled as she slipped the black silk nightgown over her body and pulled on a comfortable gold-embroidered robe, remembering how good it had felt when she had embraced her light once more. It had been like it was never gone from her, and her health had returned to normal even as she returned to lighting up the entire palace at will. Even the Cut had returned to her, although she was careful to limit its use to the training room.

She sensed a presence on the other side of the screen. "I already said she can start training. What else do you want me to say?" she asked Baghra, but the words held less irritation in them than resignation. She ducked around the corner of the screen, ready for whatever sharp words might be waiting. 

But it wasn't Baghra standing before her. It was the calm, still form of her son, Aleksander. 

His slate eyes scanned up and down her body, taking in the soft robe and the sheen of her nightgown where it hugged her curves. Those eyes looked at her as fiercely as if he would eat her alive and as gently if she had placed the stars in the sky. That look was reserved for her alone, and he was careful to hide those emotions around others as he was well-used to doing. But with Alina, he had begun to open up in a way she had never dared dream possible, and she cherished every look and every touch as she knew they came from a place of fledgling intimacy that grew day by day, month by month, and year by year.

"You were expecting someone else?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

Alina blushed at the look he was giving her, knowing he wanted to unwrap her like she was a present. She pictured him taking her up against the wall as he had the night before when he couldn't even wait to get to their bedroom, and blushed even harder. Shaking off the feeling, she said airily, "I was expecting your mother, actually. She was out in full force in her role as Grandmother today."

Aleksander gave a small smile at that. "Ah. And what does my mother want now?"

"She wants to start training your daughter tomorrow of all things. Either she's tired of Lada's pleading or she knows something we don't and thinks she needs to learn to use her power early."

He made a thoughtful sound. "Training is not a bad idea. Do you really believe she will not be experiencing any flashes of the power she might one day possess?"

Alina hesitated. It was true that light sometimes seemed to became brighter and shadows seemed to became longer around the little girl, although she wasn't sure if she was just seeing something she wanted to see as a doting mother.

"I just don't want us to rush things with her. I want her to enjoy her time being a child, not push her into training and all that comes along with it. Besides, Baghra is not the gentlest of teachers. You've made that clear enough when you talk about your own childhood." She paused. "If she touches Lada with that stick, I will break it in half and her along with it, grandmother or no grandmother."

Aleksander frowned. "She never raised a hand to me in that way. But I will speak with her and make sure there is no chance of Lada being hurt, emotionally or otherwise."

Alina sighed. "I still feel like we could wait a little longer. Won't everyone in the entire court know what we're trying to get out of her?"

"It is indeed likely others will know we are curious about her abilities. Perhaps it would be best to hold a ceremony on her seventh birthday where she can demonstrate her powers to all. It would serve as an important court event, and if she performs better than expected at such a testing, then so much the better." 

Alina couldn't help but notice how quick Aleksander was to respond with his ideas--as if he had already been thinking over and deciding how best to approach the situation for a long time. She tried not to grind her teeth. He always had to be twelve steps ahead of everything, but it was hard to be irritable about it when he was only concerned with keeping his family safe. She gave him a knowing smile and only said, "Like you showed off my power at a Winter Fête once upon a time?"

He shrugged, unabashed. "Better that she shows off her strength as you did, yes. Odds are that she will be a powerful Grisha. Perhaps the most powerful to ever walk the earth." A light flickered in his eyes. Not a greedy light, Alina realized, but a satisfied one. Satisfied that his daughter would be the master of her own fate and that she would likely shape the course of history.

"Time will tell, I suppose," she said, and Aleksander nodded.

It made Alina more happy than she could say to know that Lada was the apple of her father's eye. She had worried he would stay withdrawn until their daughter was proven to be Grisha. He'd once spoken of how he wouldn't be able to bear having a child that wasn't Grisha--whose life would be so terribly short in comparison to their own. It was almost as if he couldn't help himself from giving Lada free reign over his heart, though. Particularly since Alina herself had opened the door to it, warming it with love and affection. 

He reached out a hand, and she took it, twining her fingers through his. They walked out of their rooms and a short way down the hallway to Lada's bedroom. There they found her dressed in her white nightgown, jostling up and down on the edge of her bed as she waited impatiently for them. "Hurry up!" she exclaimed.

Her father raised his eyebrows, saying coolly, "Manners."

Lada ducked her head and grimaced. "Please hurry up," she amended.

Alina tried to hide her smile. The battle of wills Lada sometimes tried to have with them got her nowhere when it came to Aleksander, who had taken surprisingly well to fatherhood. Or maybe not so surprisingly, since he had centuries of political and battlefield strategy to draw upon. Alina tended to be the weak link in the parenting chain. It was hard not to give the little girl anything she asked for since Alina had been so sure she would never be born.

Lada scurried to rest in the middle of her bed, and her parents settled on either side of her in their usual positions. Aleksander rested against the pillow, stretching out his legs, and Lada snuggled in close so they could share the book of fairy tales he held propped on his chest. Alina lay on her side watching them, unable to tear her gaze away from the heartwarming sight of the two dark heads so close together as they began their nightly ritual of switching back and forth between sentences and paragraphs.

When it became her turn, the little girl stumbled over the words. "And then the ter...the tear...the..." She stopped and gave a small growl of frustration.

"Sound it out in your head, _lastochka_ ," Aleksander said gently. 

Lada nodded, narrowing her eyes and moving her lips silently before she spoke again in a slow and measured tone. "And then the terr-i-ble serpent followed the maiden ac-ross the field..."

"Good," her father murmured, and a bright smile flashed across Lada's face in response to his praise before she narrowed her eyes again and continued onwards.

_Lastochka_. Little swallow. The most natural of nicknames Aleksander had long ago given her due to Lada's melodious little voice chattering away and her dark hair sweeping around her. The child's locks were now washed and brushed, and Alina could almost see exactly how beautiful and strong their daughter would grow to be. It awed her at times, as it did now, that they had made her together. Alina knew that there was nothing either one of them wouldn't do to protect their child and ensure her happiness, and there was also nothing in the world that would come between them. Nothing. And she knew the three of them--the three lights of Alina's world--would continue to shine and blaze through any darkness. 

Joy filled her once more at the thought that this was what her fate had proven to be before she focused in again on the scene before her, not wanting to miss a moment of the present. Not wanting to think about a future that was anything but this. Always this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to get straight to the drama and action, but the idea for this chapter came to me, and a small detour with a little set-up was something I couldn't resist ;)

The next morning was just dawning fresh and new when Alina felt herself awoken by a harsh whisper in her ear. 

"Mama...Mama...! Are you awake?" 

Alina held in a groan of irritation at being woken from a pleasant dream where she raced among the apple trees in the orchard outside Keremzin with Mal. The dream had been stitched together from fragments of memory, and she remembered how happy she'd been as a child darting among the boughs and pelting her friend with the fallen fruit. A pang of sadness at the thought woke her up the rest of the way. She opened her eyes a crack and saw Lada crouched next to her at the side of the bed. 

"I'm ready for my training," the little girl continued to whisper. "Papa said I should wake you up and tell you all about it."

The bastard, Alina thought with an inner groan, but a smile lifted her lips. Aleksander was still trying to get her to wake up early after all these years just as he and Lada did. She resisted the urge to roll over and hide her head under the pillow to block out the early morning light. Instead, she yawned and said, "I'm awake, I'm awake. I'll be in to breakfast in a minute. Now, go tell your father I'll deal with him later."

Lada nodded with the seriousness of a six year old bent on getting the thing she most wanted in the world and raced away out the door.

Alina groaned aloud this time and pulled herself into a sitting position. One would think it was the little girl's birthday or one of the holidays where she received presents, but it made Alina smile to think her daughter was excited to work hard at becoming a Grisha. She got to her feet and walked to the wardrobe to pull out a fresh _kefta_ , and once she donned it, she made her way to their small dining room.

A scene that was very familiar played out before her. Aleksander sat in his seat facing the door with several papers spread before him and two pieces of toast on a plate. Alina could tell he was ostensibly reading through the reports, but his attention was pulled away every few minutes by Lada's chattering. The little girl sat beside him as she always did. She adored her father, although she certainly had not inherited his taciturn nature. No, where he was a man of few and measured words, his daughter prattled away about the imaginary worlds she'd created that often involved the small wooden horse she currently carried in her hand.

"--and then I'm going to ask Grandmother if we can go to the stables so I can see the horses."

"Only after your lessons, _lastochka_." Aleksander said mildly, keeping his gaze on his reports.

"Can I feed Dancer some sugar this time?"

"Absolutely not," he said, looking at her over the paper this time. Lada had been the one to christen his horse with the name Dancer since Aleksander never had bothered to name it, and she always wanted to interact with the midnight stallion.

"Pleeeeeeease," she wheedled. "He'd never bite me."

"Don't push your luck, sweetheart," Alina said as she entered the room and took her seat across from them. There was already a plate of bacon, eggs, and toast in front of her, and she thanked the Saints for the coffee next to it. "You can feed Kiri instead. And your father's right. You can go after your lessons."

Lada seemed mollified at the thought of feeding Alina's horse and turned to her own breakfast without prompting, setting her wooden toy gently on the table next to her. 

"Any news from Os Kervo?" Alina asked, observing the reports. 

"Hm," Aleksander said. "Razumovsky seems keen on organizing a tour of the new port modifications. He encourages us to be there for the grand opening in two days' time."

"He's certainly risen quickly up the ranks." 

"Who's that?" Lada chirped as she slid a spoonful of heavily-sugared porridge into her mouth.

"He's the general who defeated a fleet of pirate ships between here and Novyi Zem," Alina replied.

Lada's eyes shone with interest. "Pirates? Like Uncle Nikolai?"

Alina laughed, and she could tell Aleksander was barely holding in a snort. "Your uncle was a privateer, not a pirate. And he's always very quick to point out the difference."

"I wish I could learn to sail a ship," Lada sighed. "I'd sail all the way to the Wandering Isle and the Southern Colonies."

"It would not hurt to take Razumovsky up on his invitation to see the port," Aleksander mused. "We can leave tomorrow morning and arrive in the evening."

"Can I come?" Lada exclaimed.

"I don't see why you can't come along," Alina said. "Although you'll have to take time off from your training if you do."

The child dithered for a moment, biting her lip. "If Grandmother doesn't mind, I'd like to go to the sea. We haven't been there for forever."

"Oh she'll mind," Aleksander said dryly, "but there will always be time for more training."

"Well, that's settled," Alina said, smiling at the idea of sun and sea air. The thought of being able to share some moments away from the palace with her family was just as appealing.

Aleksander nodded. "I will let Razumovsky know we will meet him there." His attention shifted fully to Lada. "You should hurry to meet your grandmother. She will likely be waiting for you."

Lada gave a squeal of excitement, her spoon clattering to the table as she pushed her chair back and raced out the door.

Alina glared daggers at Aleksander in the following silence. "Don't think I've forgotten that you told her to wake me up."

He shrugged, his mouth tugging up at the corners. "I did not think you would want to miss seeing her off on such a momentous occasion."

Alina gave a harrumph, but she didn't gainsay him. "I suppose. Now that I'm up, I'll let Tamar and Tolya know we're leaving tomorrow. At least one of them should come with us."

Aleksander nodded. "I have much to do as well. Perhaps we should check in on our daughter's progress later on."

"It's a deal." 

Alina pushed her chair back and went to find Genya and Tamar to set her schedule and the security they would need at the port city. Not that Os Kervo was particularly dangerous, but Alina knew her heads of security would insist on going. Meanwhile, Genya would take charge of the palace as she always did whenever both Alina and Aleksander needed to be away for any length of time.

The hours slipped by, and when she noticed it was time to meet Aleksander, she slipped out a side entrance that led to where Baghra's latest hut had been erected. The older woman had tried to live in the palace in the early days of establishing the kingdom, but she preferred the high temperatures and the long shadows of her own space on the palace grounds. Alina wasn't surprised when Aleksander slid into place next to her as she walked.

"I think I'm set for tomorrow," she remarked. "Everything alright on your end?"

He nodded. "I sent the order for Razumovsky to be ready for us. Lada's tutors among others have been notified we'll be taking a short leave of absence."

Alina smiled. "I can't wait. I never get tired of seeing the ocean. It seemed like something I'd never get the opportunity to experience at one point in my life." Like much of the things that had happened to her, Alina thought. Marriage, motherhood, a queenship. It was too much to be believed sometimes.

They arrived at Baghra's hut, and Aleksander knocked lightly on the door. A gruff "Come in," met their ears.

He opened the door, and the two stepped into the stifling heat of fire-lit darkness. Alina began to sweat almost immediately in her _kefta_. How did the woman stand it? she wondered.

Lada and Baghra stood facing each other, Baghra's face was stern, and she stood only a foot or so above the child. She turned now and scowled at the sight of her son and daughter-in-law.

"What is it?" Baghra snapped. "We're busy."

Alina cleared her throat. "It's time for Lada's other lessons. And we wanted to see how it's going with the two of you."

"Making sure I'm not being too hard on her, you mean," Baghra scowled. "She's fine. And she's not a dancing bear. She doesn't know what she's doing yet, so there's nothing to see, anyway."

"I do so know what I'm doing!" Lada exclaimed, her face twisting into a scowl of her own, making them a matched pair as they faced each other down.

Aleksander gripped Alina's hand where it rested at her side next to him, and she could tell he was trying very hard not to smile or laugh at the tableau before them.

"Very well," he said, clearing his throat as the only concession to his mirth. "Show us what you have learned to do."

Lada turned toward them, her face screwing up in concentration. The shadows stretching out on the floor before them began to move and flicker slightly.

Alina held her breath. She couldn't tell if the girl was manipulating the shadows somehow or drawing on the few rays of light that fell inside from a small window placed high on the wall. But _something_ was happening. 

Just as quickly as it began, the wavering shadows stopped and became solid again.

"Which is it?" Aleksander asked his mother quickly. "Shadow or light?"

Baghra's eyes held the same satisfied expression in them as his did once she said, "It seems as if it could be a combination of both."

Alina sensed Aleksander letting out a long breath. Both! That she could potentially do both was unheard of, but when had two people with their powers ever come together to have a child before? Aleksander hadn't been wrong. Their daughter may become the most powerful Grisha to walk the earth with the right training. And she trusted Baghra to give her that. And when the time came, she herself would have a hand in providing the rest of her child's training in summoning and manipulating light. 

Aleksander only nodded approvingly, saying, "That was excellent. Your hard work is already paying off, and we are very proud of you."

Lada beamed at him, skipping closer to reach over and wrap her arms around her father's waist.

"Time to go, though," Alina broke in before turning to Baghra. "Do you want to come have a celebratory lunch with us?"

Baghra snorted. "No. I've had enough of the two of you for one day. Send Lada my way when she's finished with whatever it is her teachers are doing with her." She paused, muttering, "I promised to take her to see the horses if she tried hard enough today."

Alina's and Aleksander's eyebrows raised in surprise. That girl has us all wrapped around her finger, Alina thought. It was impressive, really. 

After walking back to the palace, they all sat back down in the private dining room to hear all about Lada's first day of training before they sent her to the array of tutors who taught her what she needed to know about how to be a princess. Alina wished heartily that she'd had someone to show her the ropes so thoroughly when she had become queen all those years ago. Instead, it had been a trial by fire with Genya's help and with Aleksander by her side.

She was lost in thought when Lada's voice broke through her memories.

"Mama?"

"Yes, sweetheart?" she said absently.

"Were you a princess like me?"

Alina almost dropped her fork at her daughter's question. She hesitated, not sure how much to tell the little girl about her own childhood. She had always kept mentions of her hard life brief, and Lada had never brought it up before. Whatever possessed her to want to know now, Alina couldn't say.

"Why do you ask?" she queried, deflecting instinctively as Aleksander had long taught her to do.

Lada looked contemplative. "In our stories at night there's always a good princess and an evil queen. And you're not evil, so you must have been a princess. Did you have to take lessons like me?"

Aleksander broke in. "Not at all, _lastochka_. Your mother was no princess. But she was something just as great as that."

"What was she?" Lada asked, her voice filled with curiosity.

"She was a survivor," Aleksander said quietly. "She didn't have money, or power, or even her parents, but look how strong she became. She faced many trials and is now something greater than anyone ever thought she could be."

Besides him, Alina thought. Everyone besides him. He had always thought she could be something more, and she loved him for his faith in her.

Their daughter sat there with a thoughtful look on her face. "A survivor sounds better than a princess."

"Not necessarily better. Just different. You will grow to be just as strong."

"Are you a survivor, too, Papa?"

One corner of Aleksander's mouth turned up in a smile, but he said nothing in return.

"Tell me about when you were little like me," she demanded.

"Those would be stories for another time, and right now you are due for your lessons. You will need to know all that you can should you ever need to run the kingdom someday."

"Alright," Lada sighed dramatically before getting up to plod out of the room with heavy steps.

Alina held in her laugh until the child was out of sight, then she pointed a fork at her husband. "A survivor? You are a romantic at heart."

He shrugged. "It is the truth." At that, he got up and began to slowly prowl around the table to stand behind her. She felt him pull back her hair from her shoulder, then he bent forward and pressed a kiss to the nape of her neck. "I do not suppose you would like to retire to our room for a few hours while we have this time to ourselves?"

Alina blushed, but nodded, shivering as she felt his hands brush down her arms, stroking gently. She stood and took his hand as he pulled her toward the bedroom. 

Once there, he worked on the buttons of her _kefta_ , undressing her slowly. She always felt a little self-conscious that she was not as slender as she once had been. Her breasts were fuller and her hips rounder after becoming a mother. He certainly didn't seem to mind, his hands caressing her body and lingering on those curves. 

Aleksander moved to push her onto the bed, but she evaded him, dropping down onto her knees before him instead. The floor was covered by a thick rug, but she would have knelt on stone to make him inhale as sharply as he did at the sight of her before him.

Reaching upwards, she began to stroke and lift her breasts, knowing by now how much he liked to watch her touch herself. His eyes narrowed, and she gave him a crooked smile in return as she ran one hand down between her legs, stroking her clit and spreading the wetness she already found around it. She gave a small moan, and his hands immediately moved to begin unbuttoning his own coat. He let it drop to the floor behind him moments later before unbuttoning his trousers and drawing out his substantial length. When he pushed it down so that it was mere inches from her mouth, she parted her lips, waiting on his command as they both loved for her to do.

"Kiss it," he murmured, and she leaned towards him, brushing her lips softly against him as she lay kisses up and down his cock. He wrapped his hand in her hair gently but firmly, and she shivered.

His voice was low and slightly breathless when she paused a moment later and he said, "Take it in your mouth." When she slipped her lips over the head and slid her mouth down the length of him, he hissed in pleasure and then swore softly. She ran her tongue along his shaft and then dragged it back up to lightly lick along the underside of the head, circling it and flicking her tongue back and forth against it. He gave a low groan in response, and his hips began to move, fucking her mouth slowly.

She had just begun to suck him with an easy rhythm and was pulling him into the back of her throat when he used the hand wrapped in her hair to pull her away from him. She looked up and saw he was glassy-eyed but determined as he pointed to the bed with his free hand.

"There," he panted. "I wish to be inside you there."

"Hm. If you say so," Alina said saucily as she got to her feet. She turned, swinging her hips slightly, knowing he was enjoying the view as she walked away from him. Suddenly, she felt a smarting slap against her ass that made her give a low shriek before jumping on the bed and pulling herself up to lie against the pillows.

"You'll pay for that," she warned him, eyes narrowed playfully.

His own eyes were dark as he said, "Only if I get to make you pay for being such a wicked tease."

He crawled towards her, running his hands up her legs as she spread them apart for him. Opening her arms to invite him closer, she reached out to grip his shoulders, pulling him to her. When he settled between her thighs and positioned himself, it took only one slow thrust to fill her completely. Alina gave a low cry in response.

His hips began to move forwards and back, easing him in and out of her. Their panting breaths and small sounds of pleasure filled the silence. It wasn't long until she was bringing her heels up to press against his backside, urging him into her even farther. He began to rock harder against her. Faster. She could tell he was reaching the edge more quickly than normal since she had given him all that attention with her mouth. He was trying to hold back--to wait for her, but she didn't want him to.

"Do it," she gasped out. "Please. Do it." 

And with that, he began to come, bending his forehead down to rest against her shoulder then setting his mouth to her and biting down hard as he gave one final thrust. 

The pain and pleasure of the bite alongside the knowledge that he was coming deep inside her, filling her, made the orgasm roll through her body in slow waves. She gave a deep groan and flung her head back against the pillows, riding out the feeling.

His weight atop her felt wondrous as it always did, and she kissed his cheek softly, running her fingers through his hair as she came down from the high. Aleksander turned his head, meeting her lips with his own before rolling off of her and settling down among the pillows on his side of the bed. Alina snuggled up close to him, resting her head on his shoulder and flinging her arm across his middle.

"I love you," she said quietly, and he rested his hand atop hers where it touched his chest, squeezing that hand gently.

"And I you," he said just as quietly.

Her heart reveled in the perfection of the moment and the fact that he was hers and she was his. It felt as if that was how it would always be and that fifteen years was just the beginning of what would unfold around them. As she drifted off into a nap, her mind and body basked in this feeling, both shining and wonderful. And she knew deep in her heart she would never ever let it go.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've mentioned it before, but there is a lot of angst and a lot of death in this fic. But feel free to throw shoes at me or whatever else is close at hand if you continue reading...

The next morning, the three loaded up into the coach and set off for Os Kervo. Lada's eyes were very big and she clutched her wooden horse tight as they neared their destination. They hadn't taken her beyond the palace walls very often, and Alina enjoyed watching her expression transform from one of trepidation to excitement at the sight of the gulls wheeling in the distance and the scent of sea air beginning to fill the carriage.

Aleksander, however, had spent most of the journey reading reports and looking out the window with a pensive expression.

"You seem preoccupied," Alina said, nudging him gently with her foot. "What's on your mind?"

He looked at her and simply handed over a paper that she began to scan through. As she did so, he said, "Fjerda's new king has been growing restless and his ministers are sowing dissent across the country. And although the Shu may be preoccupied with the Kerch at the moment, they too will eventually begin to push at our borders. Each nation will look for any way to reclaim the lands they lost to us. " He paused. "It is a volatile time."

Alina felt a small surge of dread. "And I'm guessing you wish we were taking a more...active hand in things?"

He gave a small, ironic smile. "As I have always wished, yes." His face smoothed out and became its usual impassive mask. "More and more Grisha have flocked to our borders, and eventually they will tire of being pushed to safe harbors such as our kingdom and Ravka. People will willingly weather a storm to gain their homelands again. We could be at the head of that storm were we to play our cards right."

Alina turned from the unwelcome thought. It felt like this conversation was one that reared its head every few months. She had always managed to push it away, despite Aleksander's slow-simmering ambitions. He had respected her "experiment" with their nation, but she always wondered how long that tolerance would last. 

"We still have peace and prosperity," she said. "There's no need to change any of that. Besides," she said, tilting her head towards Lada who was focused on her toy horse, "we should talk about this later."

Aleksander raised an eyebrow, but held his silence for the rest of the trip into the city.

They pulled up near the docks outside a medium-sized inn whose sign proclaimed it to be The Mermaid's Tail. When they had decided to visit Os Kervo, arrangements had quickly been made to rent the entire inn, and those patrons who already had rooms were moved to better lodgings elsewhere. The size was perfect to allow for Alina and Aleksander to hold small court meetings, for Lada to have her own rooms to sleep and play in, and most importantly it was the right size for Tamar and her fellow guards to oversee the security for the entire space.

Alina stepped out of the carriage as did Aleksander before turning to lift Lada down to the ground. A few stablehands hurried out to take the coach behind the inn and to lead Tamar's and the other guards' horses there as well. Waiting beside the front door was a blonde man in the green uniform of a Zelenyyi Mir general. 

He stepped forward and bowed to Alina and Aleksander. "My king, my queen. Welcome to Os Kervo."

"Thank you for meeting with us, General Razumovsky," Alina said with a smile. She didn’t really know the man well, but he had a relatively easy manner about him that she appreciated. 

"It was my pleasure," Razumovsky said as his hazel eyes took in the group. "We've set up a room for you to receive anyone you'd like to see, and the guards' rooms are stationed on the lower floor while yours are above on the second floor." 

With that, Alina saw Tamar surreptitiously enter ahead of them, presumably to scout the space and make sure it was safe.

When she returned and dipped her head to give the signal that all was well, Aleksander nodded his approval while the general moved out of his way to allow the family to enter the inn. Once inside, Alina directed Lada upstairs to a room where she could play before heading back down and joining the two men at the bottom of the stairs who were already in what looked to be a serious conversation.

"I have a feeling this war between the Kerch and the Shu Empire will start heating up soon," Razumovsky was saying. "They can't be at a standstill forever. Now that Novyi Zem and the Southern Colonies have thrown in with the Kerch, it won't matter that Fjerda and Ravka are waiting it out alongside us. Something is bound to tilt the pieces on the board until they're moving against each other."

"Undoubtedly," Aleksander replied. "We will need to prepare for whatever other pieces shift on that board."

"You mean Fjerda?"

Aleksander nodded. "I have sent reinforcements to that border of late. Should their king push us, we will be ready. I cannot say the same for Ravka."

"They never did recover from the loss of the Second Army to our side fifteen years ago," Razumovsky mused.

"Do we have enough warships to protect any of our merchants who may be caught in the crossfire?" Alina asked, trying to pull the conversation back away from the plotting it seemed to be heading towards. That was usually her role in these situations, and she intended to keep a firm hand on the direction of the nation she had worked so hard to build.

The general nodded, accepting the shift in subject. "We've enlisted several privateers to assist us. There's one in particular I'd like you to meet. Saoirse Byrne. She's utterly ruthless and has helped keep our trade routes clear of pirates. She costs more than your usual operative to maintain, but she's worth it."

"I look forward to meeting with her," Aleksander said. "When can you show us the docks?"

"Whenever you like. If you'd prefer to take a break, I can show you later this afternoon, or now is fine."

"Let's go now," Alina said. "I'm sure I'm not the only one who needs to stretch their legs after that carriage ride." She climbed up a few of the stairs and called up, "Lada! Time to go!"

The little girl came clattering down without her wooden horse for once. At her mother's questioning look, she said, "She doesn't like the sea. And she'll keep our things safe. She's good luck," she informed her mother.

Alina smiled. "Alright, let's get going." She held out her hand to her daughter, who took it, and they followed Aleksander and the general out into the warm sunlight and fresh air.

Tamar joined the group as they walked toward the docks, her eyes ever-watchful. Alina doubted they would have need of the the Heartrender's talents, but another set of eyes on their surroundings was never a bad idea. And Tamar had made it very clear she was willing to kill or be killed to protect Alina, and not only Alina, but Lada now as well. It was unclear whether the warrior would do the same for Aleksander, but they had an obvious understanding between them since they shared the same goals in keeping safe the ones they had pledged themselves to.

"Impressive," Aleksander said as they walked past new berths for a multitude of ships and past several buildings housing a variety of shipments either waiting to become cargo or being unloaded and rolled toward other new buildings. 

"What kinds of materials are coming through here?" Alina asked as they walked.

"All sorts," Razumovsky answered. "Jurda, fish, coffee...you name it. They're headed to Ravka and to our own kingdom, primarily." Something caught the general's eye and he turned toward one of the sleek ships they were about to pass. "Ah, here is the very lady I wanted you to meet. This is the captain who was instrumental in gaining us the upper hand over the pirates." 

Razumovsky gestured to a woman standing beside the gangplank to the ship. Her faded red hair held a few white streaks in it and her weathered skin bore a broad smile.

She bowed to them and swept her captain's hat off her head in a grand gesture. "Your majesties," she said, the Kaelish accent giving her words a pleasant roll to them. "My name is Saoirse Byrne. I'm captain of the _Fitheach_ , here." She gestured to the large ship behind her then glanced at Razumovsky, "And I'm hardly a 'lady.'" 

The man looked abashed. "Quite right, Saoirse. My apologies."

She waved his words away, and Alina said, "Your ship looks very impressive, and it sounds like you've had quite a few adventures."

"More than most captains," the privateer agreed. "Speaking of other captains, I was close friends with Sturmhond before he moved on to...how to put it...bigger and better things. I understand the two of you have grown close."

Alina was surprised, although perhaps she shouldn't have been. The world of successful privateering couldn't have been that large, although she didn't think Nikolai had ever been one to want it widely known that he had been the infamous Sturmhond. 

Tamar narrowed her eyes. "I don't remember you from when I was on the _Volkvolny_ ," she said. Suspicion laced her words.

Saoirse shrugged, seemingly unbothered. "It was when he first started out and needed guidance on how to go about interacting with our more troublesome fellows. I advised him to give no quarter if pushed and was pleasantly surprised to hear he ended up getting his name because of it. It's always good to find out someone took your advice."

Tamar looked unconvinced. 

"And don't get me wrong," the privateer said, her mouth quirking up. "He paid me well for the favor." 

Alina's attention was pulled downwards as Lada tugged on her hand. "Her fingers are missing, Mama," the child whispered to her mother as she stared at the captain whose left hand was indeed missing its last two fingers at the knuckle.

Saoirse overheard, and Alina hoped she wouldn't be offended. 

"So they are," Saoirse responded and leaned down to meet Lada's gaze. "And who might you be?" she asked the little girl.

Lada flashed her usual bright smile. "I'm Lada," she chirped before squinting her eyes and asking, "Did a shark bite your fingers off?"

The privateer barked out a laugh. "I wish, little one. No, they got caught in the way of a gunshot that was supposed to take my head off."

Lada's eyes became very large. "Did you kill the person who shot you?"

Saoirse hesitated, and Alina quickly intercepted her answer by saying, "Maybe we should go check on your father."

Lada looked like she wanted to argue, but she followed Alina and Saoirse a few feet across the dock to where the gangplank rested.

Aleksander was watching the bustle on the deck above. "You don't have any Grisha on your crew," he pointed out. It was both a question and a statement.

"They're meeting with their families onshore at Os Kervo," Saoirse replied. "I'll take them back onboard before we head out. You've made quite a haven for the Grisha between your kingdom and Ravka. I rarely meet any of your people in the other berths we visit."

"We try," Alina said with quiet pride. Aleksander looked less satisfied. She knew the mention of Grisha fleeing their homes for the safe harbor of Zelenyyi Mir and Ravka was a sore point for someone who wanted their people to live and move freely. 

Razumovsky spoke up as if sensing the tension. "The _Fitheach_ is the fastest ship on the entire dock."

Saoirse looked pleased. "Can I interest you in a sail around the harbor? It would be my honor." She looked up at her crew. "No Grisha, so it will take a little longer without a Squaller or a Tidemaker, but we can make do."

Lada squeaked her excitement and pulled on first Alina's then Aleksander's hands. "Please, please, please, please. Can we? I want to see a ship like Uncle Nikolai's!"

"It would be a good way for you to view the new additions to the docks firsthand," Razumovsky pointed out. "I highly recommend it, and I'm happy to wait here while you're out so I can oversee a few preparations for tomorrow."

Aleksander glanced at Alina who nodded. "Alright," he said, and Lada jumped up and down in excitement before practically dragging them up the gangplank while Saoirse talked about various aspects of the ship.

It did indeed take longer to get out of the ship's berth and out onto the open sea, but it was a pleasant day, if hot and the air somewhat close. There was a large bank of clouds out farther to sea, and Alina wished they would move closer to block out the sun.

"We can go out a little farther if you think your daughter would like to see some dolphins," Saoirse said. "There's a pod that swims near here."

Lada looked like she was about to explode with enthusiasm, and Alina nodded. Saoirse called something to a few of the sailors stationed at the wheel and in the rigging, and they began moving farther and farther away from land. When the creatures began leaping out of the water around the prow of the ship, Alina felt as awed and excited as Lada. She'd never seen anything like them, their sleek grey bodies flashing in the sunlight.

She turned to Aleksander to say, "This is amazing."

He nodded. "They are said to be good luck. I have seen them several times over the course of my life and never grow tired of watching them."

After a long while viewing the dolphins playing amid the open waves, Alina looked down at her daughter. "Almost ready to go back, sweetheart?"

"Never!" Lada exclaimed.

"She must have the sea in her blood," Saoirse smiled. "I've seen the signs before." 

Alina would have let her daughter stay longer, but despite the heat, a heavy breeze had begun to blow. It was fresh with the tang of salt, but colder than was comfortable. She bundled her _kefta_ around her. The clouds that she had longed for were drawing nearer, but they had an unsettling green tinge to them.

"Perhaps it is time to head back," Aleksander said. "We have much to do, and the weather is shifting."

"I want to see the dolphins one last time," Lada called out over her shoulder as she raced to the back half of the ship.

"Lada!" Alina called, exasperated, but the little girl was pretending not to hear her.

Saoirse laughed. "I'll go get her. The sea calls to her, I'm telling you."

"I'll go with them," Tamar said, following the captain toward the rear of the ship with another suspicious glance.

Alina huffed, but turned back to Aleksander. "When we get back, we should talk about how to be part of the celebrations for the docks' grand opening. It doesn't have to be a production, but something is probably expected of us since we're here."

"An appearance will be necessary," he agreed. "But bear in mind we are not equipped with a large enough security force to have a major gathering of any sort..." He trailed off, his eyes narrowing, and Alina turned to see what he was looking at.

Saoirse had indeed found Lada, but she had one hand on the little girl's shoulder, holding her firmly in place several yards away instead of walking her the rest of the way toward her parents. Alina couldn't understand what the captain was doing. Her posture was stiff, and her hand rested on a gun holstered at her side larger than the one Tamar favored. To Alina's horror, Saoirse drew the gun slowly, raised it, and pressed the barrel to Lada's head. 

Although her attention was focused intently on the scene before her, Alina realized to some small degree that Aleksander had called shadows into his hands in an instant and that the dimming light from the storm clouds was now pushed back by the blaze emanating from her own body. Everything seemed to be speeding up and slowing down simultaneously, and she was terrified that her daughter was caught in the middle.

"Put that down," Aleksander said, his voice deathly calm as the shadows began to swirl faster in his hands.

Saoirse cocked the gun, saying, "I don't believe I will. And please don't try to test me on this with your shadows. I've heard what your power can do, but I don't need to be able to see to pull the trigger." 

The shadows unspooled from Aleksander's hands as quickly as they had appeared. "Don't be a fool," he said, his voice still low. "This will end badly for you." 

Alina realized he was so calm because he didn't want to scare Lada any more than she was already. The little girl's face was as pale as her parents' must be.

"Mama? Papa?" Lada called out to them, her voice trembling. 

Aleksander continued, holding Saoirse's attention. "If it is money you want, then we can come to an arrangement."

"You couldn't possibly top what I've already been offered," the privateer said with a smirk. "No, your daughter is going to come with me, you're going to go back to Os Kervo, and then you're going to wait for some very important instructions."

"You know we will hunt you to the ends of the earth if you do this," Aleksander said into the silence following those words.

Saoirse cocked her head. "Perhaps. But my employers are making it very much worth the risk."

"And who might they be?"

She laughed, a harsh sound. "Oh, I don't think we need to go into the details of that right now. Besides, it's time you were going."

Tamar, Alina thought suddenly. Where was Tamar? Perhaps she could sneak up on the pair unawares or aim her own gun at the privateer's head. Her heart dropped as she saw the Heartrender dragged into view from behind the mast by two crew members. Her hands had been bound behind her, stifling her power, and she staggered slightly from a head wound that dripped blood into one of her eyes as they brought her to stand next to Alina and Aleksander.

"This is why you didn't have any Grisha," Alina breathed. 

Saoirse smirked again. "It's amazing how loyal they all are to you. Far more than they would be to me if they knew what we were planning." The wind was whipping her hair around her head just as it was doing to Lada, and their combined strands snaked along the gun barrel. The privateer's eyes flicked to something behind them. "There's a storm coming. You should get going if you want to beat it back to land." The rigging began to creak in the brisk gale as if to punctuate her words. Alina shot a glance over her shoulder to see a few of the crew members who weren't armed readying a lifeboat behind them. 

"Get in," Saoirse said gruffly. 

After a moment of hesitation, Alina and Aleksander walked to the side of the ship and climbed into the boat. The two men holding Tamar dragged her forward and dumped her in none too gently. As Tamar righted herself, Alina felt her own body trembling with fear and rage at the situation as everything seemed to unravel around her.

"You will regret this for the short time you have left to live," Aleksander said softly, his voice carrying on the wind.

Saoirse snorted. "I doubt that. Good luck getting back to shore. Tamar, I assume you know how to row?"

Tamar only snarled in return, her eyes still slightly glazed from her injury.

"Remember, I won't be letting your daughter out of my sight for the foreseeable future, and I'm getting to be an old woman. My hands aren't as steady as they once were. So don't try anything."

Lada's eyes were pleading as she whispered, "Don't leave me."

"It will be all right, _lastochka_ ," Aleksander called to her as the three of them took one last look as they were lowered toward the waves. "Be brave. We will see you very soon."

Then Alina could see nothing but the side of the ship and the choppy water below. She surreptitiously began to work her fingers into the knots holding Tamar's hands together, trying not to think about how she was leaving her daughter behind. Perhaps if the Heartrender could be freed, they could somehow fight their way back onboard.

But even though Tamar gasped at the heat emanating from Alina's fingers, the ropes held fast with the strong sailors' knots. 

Alina began to work in earnest once the ship pulled away from them and headed farther and farther out to sea, and the ropes finally loosened. Tamar jerked herself free and stood shakily, stretching her hands out toward the boat. A grimace twisted her features a moment later as she dropped her arms to her sides.

"They're staying out of sight so I can't touch them," she said quietly. "I took out a few with weaker hearts that I could see on deck, but the rest are too far away."

Aleksander swore quietly, but he turned to one of the two sets of oars and took them up as if he had been born knowing how to sail. It must have been one of the many things he'd learned how to do at some point in his long life, Alina realized.

"Tamar. Hurry. We must head back to shore as quickly as possible," he snapped. 

Alina had never felt more helpless in her entire life, and she knew Aleksander probably felt the same. For all their immense power, once they were on the middle of the ocean and without a clear target, there was absolutely nothing they could do. She thought of sending out a spear of light to alert someone to come to their aid, but she was afraid Saoirse would take it out on Lada if she did so.

Lada. She must be so afraid, Alina thought. She felt tears beginning to fall as she watched the ship. 

As it sailed straight towards the oncoming storm.

"What are they doing?" Alina gasped.

Aleksander looked up from his rowing. "They are trying to make a faster getaway. If they go around, they may be caught by one of our own ships once we raise the alarm."

The ship grew smaller and smaller as the storm winds caught its sails, pushing it forward in a rush. Soon it looked almost like a toy boat out on the churning waves. Lightning was streaking across the sky in the storm clouds now, although it hadn't reached the three of them in the lifeboat yet. The full force of the storm seemed concentrated on Saoirse's ship, now fully out to sea.

Then before Alina could even fathom what was happening, there was a bright flash, and a spear of that lightning hit the _Fitheach_ 's mast. 

"No," Alina screamed, long and loud as Aleksander gripped her shoulder hard. She had been leaning out over the side as if she would fling herself into the water and swim to her daughter's side. 

The rigging went up into a sheet of flame moments later.

Alina's hands gripped the side of the boat, and a sound like a dying animal ripped its way from her throat.

This couldn't be happening.

It seemed almost unreal, watching that tiny ship out alone on the water. There were no Squallers on board to direct rain onto the fires. No Inferni to smother the flames. No Tidemakers to drive the ship to safety out of the rain and lightning. Instead the waves churned higher and higher.

And they could do nothing but watch as the mast eventually fell and those tall waves crested and closed over the _Fitheach_. Alina felt her heart wither and die inside her chest at the sight as heaving water dragged the ship to the bottom of the ocean along with the treasure of her heart locked away inside it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I promise I didn't forget this fic, I just wanted to be sure I could finish it the way I wanted to before posting it what with everything going on in the world right now. Concentrating on writing turned out to be much harder than I thought, but it's all drafted up through the final chapter now. If you're still reading this, thank you for your patience!! I appreciate each and every one of you for your likes and hits and comments <3 There's a lot of grim stuff in this fic from here on out for Alina and Aleksander, but dark and cold and "willing to do anything" Aleks has always been my favorite.

Alina felt herself slipping into hysteria as she watched the disaster unfolding before her in pieces of burning wood and torn sails. It shocked her back to her senses to realize Aleksander and Tamar were rowing _away_ from the shipwreck and toward the harbor instead.

“What are you doing?” she demanded. “We have to go back and try to find her. Maybe she got off the ship into another lifeboat. We can’t just abandon our daughter!”

Aleksander turned to face her, his expression grim. “We cannot go out there or we will go down as well. We need aid. Use your light, Alina. Turn it into a beacon, and perhaps we will be met by another ship with Squallers or Tidemakers aboard.”

Alina nodded, trying to push her panic down as she reached for her light to do something to help. Anything.

“Concentrate!” Aleksander snapped when her light didn’t immediately appear. His brittle tone was the only concession to what he must be feeling.

Digging deep into herself, Alina felt her body breaking into a thousand rays of light. She threw those rays upward into the sky where the incandescence strobed with her desperation and need.

“Good,” she heard Aleksander say in response, but there was no relief in his voice. Alina pushed away the thought of what that might mean. She knew he was just as affected as she was. He was gripping the oars so tightly, she could see the whites of his knuckles when she glanced down at his hands. His breathing was as harsh as if he had run more miles than he could count as he rowed. It was that quiet desperation he was refusing to give words to that nearly sent her over the edge.

But Lada needed her to hold herself together, so that was what she would do.

Alina kept her beam of light blasting into the steel-grey sky as Aleksander and Tamar rowed them closer to the other vessels. She almost choked with relief when she saw one of the ships that had been heading towards the shore slowly begin to come round and turn back towards their lifeboat instead.

It was an agony to wait until it drew near, but Squallers were clearly at the rigging and the vessel would reach them within minutes. It felt like an eternity until they arrived, though, and Aleksander’s hands had bunched themselves into fists when the ship finally pulled alongside them.

Alina cut off her light as the crew looked over the side and down onto the small lifeboat with its trio onboard.

“Lower the net and get the hooks,” someone shouted. A moment later, a mass of net unfurled over the side of the boat as crew members leaned down and distended long pikes with hooked ends that snagged the lifeboat and pulled it against the side of the ship.

“Thank the Saints,” Alina rasped as she stood shakily and reached her arms out to grab onto the rungs of the net. She climbed up as quickly as possible, although it was awkward and harder to do than she would have thought. The twisting and jerking she sensed below her told her Aleksander and Tamar were right behind her, and she picked up the pace as much as she could.

When she finally tipped over the ship’s side, she turned to stare back out at the pitching waves in the heart of the storm beyond them. She gripped the railing and understood that she needed to turn away and take hold of herself if there was to be any hope of rescuing her daughter. Her eyes found the captain in his uniform, and he gave a short, sharp bow.

“My queen,” he said, obviously recognizing her in her distinctive _kefta_. “I am Captain Rostropovich. You’re on board my ship, the _Morskoy Zver_. How can we be of assistance?”

“There’s been an accident,” Alina said, her voice as steady as she could make it. “Our daughter was on board the ship that just went down. We need to find her. Now.”

The captain bowed again then turned and began shouting at the crew to sail into the storm.

Meanwhile, Aleksander had pulled himself over the side and joined Alina with a pale and silent Tamar just behind him. A gale of wind shot past, ruffling Alina’s hair, as one Squaller arranged himself at the sails and two others concentrated their power on the storm clouds ahead. In the face of their power, the clouds reduced down to little more than wisps and fog in minutes. The rain faltered to nothing all around the ship as if it were a bubble of calm in the roiling sea.

A full complement of Grisha staffed the ship, and a Tidemaker stepped forward to the rail. She held her hands out over the waves, smoothing out the rough and choppy sea into calm waters. The ship began to sail forward, carving a path through the midst of the squall. Alina stared out into the empty ocean, desperate to help but not knowing how.

“Alina. Use your light once more,” Aleksander said quietly. “Show us what there is to see.”

She nodded and stretched out a hand, sending forth a pulse of light that lifted the gloom and revealed the flotsam and jetsam of the wreck as they drew closer to the place the ship had once been. Any hope she had been feeling began to wane at the sight of those broken bits and pieces churning up from the depths. A sickening wave of despair filled her as her eyes scanned the area as far as she could.

But there was nothing. Nothing but cold, vast water and a few scraps of wood.

She jerked when one of the sailors holding a spyglass shouted and pointed towards something almost too far away to be noticed. Her spirits began to lift in fits and starts, and she used her free hand to grip Aleksander’s where it lay on the rail next to her. He did not respond to her touch, but she didn’t care.

“Something’s out there, captain!” the sailor exclaimed.

“Turn us toward it,” Rostropovitch commanded. “Quickly.” 

Orders flew as the ship began to make its way through the pieces of debris and farther out to sea, drawing closer to whatever floated amongst the waves.

It could be her, Alina thought. Surely it could be. There was a chance no matter how small that she had survived. She lit that fire of hope inside her and tried to stoke it with all the things she would say to her daughter when they were reunited. Things she hadn’t said before when she’d had the chance.

“It will be alright. We’re almost there. It will be alright,” Alina whispered, unable to hold the words in.

But as they sailed nearer and nearer into view, she let her hand slide from Aleksander’s and fall to her side in defeat.

It wasn’t Lada.

It was a man. One of the _Fitheach_ ‘s sailors.

The _Morskoy Zver_ steered toward him, and she could see the survivor sobbing his relief as two sailors threw a net into the water and reached out with the same hooks they’d used before to pull him aboard.

Once he’d been dragged over the side of the ship, the sailor dropped to his knees as he touched the deck. Water streamed from his hair and clothes onto the wooden planks, and he pulled in deep, ragged breaths.

Before Alina could think of anything to say or do, Aleksander beat her to it. “Put him in the hold,” he said, his voice deathly calm. Two Grisha immediately pulled the man to his feet and forced him to stagger away.

After that, Alina felt as if everything was growing very distant. Her hearing didn’t seem to be working, and she almost jumped when Aleksander’s hand brushed against hers. If it was an accident or if he sought comfort, she wasn’t sure. It didn’t matter, though. Nothing mattered except going over those last few minutes with her daughter again and again.

When Lada had been taken from her, Alina had said nothing. She had _done_ nothing. At least Aleksander had spoken to her child. He’d had reassuring words for her—words he could be proud of when he looked back on this terrible moment. But her? She had nothing, and her broken heart crumbled little by little into ash.

After what seemed like equally a moment and like an eternity, the sailors lowered the gangplank to the dock with a thunk. Captain Rostropovitch bowed and was saying something about his condolences and that he would transport the prisoner wherever they’d like him to be sent. She heard Aleksander murmur her name. It was time to go. But to go where and to do what, she didn’t know.

Aleksander, however, seemed to know exactly what he intended to do. She watched him stride in the direction of the inn—the place that had once been a carefree, temporary home. It felt as if she moved through tar as she forced herself to walk forward to follow his retreating form, and her ears rang as if she was about to collapse. The sights, the smell of the sea… Everything felt as if it came to her from so very far away.

Time continued to move in a disjointed fashion, and she found they had arrived back at The Mermaid’s Tail. Alina climbed the stairs with Tamar trailing in her wake. When she reached her room, she walked through the open door and saw Lada’s bag splayed out on the floor.

Her daughter’s small wooden horse still stood propped up on the windowsill as if it guarded their belongings.

_She doesn’t like the sea. And she’ll keep our things safe. She’s good luck..._

Good luck. If only that toy had been the talisman Lada had insisted it was. 

Alina felt her ears ring and her stomach give a sudden lurch as she remembered her child’s words and her sweet, piping voice. She gasped and reached for the waste bin that stood next to the door, bending over to vomit into it. Her wracking heaves went on and on, and she felt Tamar gently pull her hair back from her face.

Tears trickled down Alina’s cheeks as she straightened up, wiping a hand against the back of her mouth. She felt hollowed out. Empty.

“Are you alright?” Tamar asked gruffly before wincing. Alina couldn’t blame her. How was she ever supposed to be alright ever again?

“Thank you,” Alina said, her voice quiet. She was so grateful for her friend’s presence right now. She couldn’t stand the thought of being alone.

Tamar’s face was pale, and she looked as if she wouldn’t mind heaving her own guts up. But when Alina gestured to the bin to offer it to her, Tamar shook her head before picking it up instead and walking to the door.

“I’ll take this downstairs,” she said faintly.

“You don’t have to do that,” Alina called after her.

“I have to do _something_ ,” the Heartrender said, and the bleak sound of those words rattled through Alina’s bones. 

There was nothing for her to do but sit down on the side of the bed and pick up the wooden horse. She held it with numb hands, and when she looked up long moments later, it was to see Aleksander standing in the doorway. He had locked his eyes on the horse as well.

She watched him drag his gaze from the toy up to Alina’s face. “You look unwell,” he said to break the silence.

Alina gave a hoarse, mirthless laugh. Her soul felt as raw as her throat. “I know.” 

She couldn’t think of a single other thing to say. Before she could wrap her mind around her own thoughts, she felt the words slip from her, “Maybe she’s still out there. We have to send more Squallers and Tidemakers to search. She could be there. It’s possible.”

Aleksander shifted his gaze to look out the window beside her head. “She is gone, Alina.”

Alina’s mind rebelled against his words, and she turned on him. “This is our fault. How could we not have known this would happen? Why didn’t we keep her safe?” she demanded.

Aleksander was silent a moment, then we walked to the open wardrobe and took out a fresh _kefta_ , donning it before turning back to her. “Razumovsky has fled,” he said, but the words held little meaning for her at the moment. 

“Razumovsky?” she echoed. The general. The one who had suggested they go onboard Saoirse’s ship.

Aleksander echoed her thoughts. “It was his idea that we go out to sea with the _Fitheach_. I have sent word for all scouts to watch the borders. We will find him, and then we will know who put this into motion. Do not doubt that there will be justice, Alina.” He paused. “And vengeance.”

“I don’t want vengeance,” Alina protested weakly. “I just want my daughter.”

Aleksander went silent, and her words seemed to bounce against an invisible wall of adamant. She wondered how he could already be putting plans into motion, unable to even fathom how he was hiding his grief and managing to focus on what came next. All Alina knew was that she couldn’t stop moving from emotion to emotion and was equally unable to keep her scattered thoughts from attacking her.

This was the unthinkable. It was the thing a parent dreaded and that they could never come back from. Not entirely. And she didn’t want to come back from it. She wanted to lie down in her grief and never get up again. To let it overtake her. To rage and scream and cry until the heavens themselves crashed to the earth.

Aleksander’s cold, empty voice interrupted her thoughts. “We must see to the prisoner.”

“The sailor,” she said, her mind still not really on his words. Yes. The sailor Rostropovich had rescued. The man who had survived instead of her daughter.

Aleksander straightened a cuff with a sharp gesture. “He may know something. Join me downstairs. Do not be long.”

With that, he swept out of the room and down the stairs. Alina stayed huddled on the side of the bed. It felt like there was no room in her for whatever plans Aleksander was already drawing up. There was only room for her sorrow and her despair.

She forced herself to rise and put on a new, dry _kefta_ before drifting slowly after Aleksander and entering what had once been their receiving room on the ground floor near the inn's entrance. The wide, empty space where chairs and tables with vases of flowers had once stood loomed in front of her. The furniture had been pushed to the sides of the room, and it now looked more like a place of interrogation and judgement. Somehow, the room was already full of people she didn’t recognize and a few that she did. There were soldiers, sailors, town council members, and an army and navy captain or two. They must all have been pressed into service to bear witness to what would take place here.

Aleksander stood at the opposite end of the room, the space next to him free. He gestured to Alina when he saw her at the door, and she walked to his side on numb feet.

“What’s happening?” she croaked.

“I will interrogate the prisoner and discover as much about their plans as there is to be uncovered.”

“But why do we need all these people?”

Aleksander gazed at her steadily. “Because we need word to spread about what has happened and about what happens to those who would dare to take what is ours.”

So this was to be a message to the other nations and a call to their people for vengeance, Alina thought. Of course the borders would be closely watched if people knew what had taken place that day, and who knew what else would be in the cards when word got out of Lada's death. She had been beloved. This was what he was going to lean on to turn the situation to his advantage. For a moment she couldn’t believe he would use their daughter's memory in that way, but there was logic to it as well. And perhaps that logic and those plans were what was holding Aleksander together in this moment. She tried to feel comforted as he obviously did by the idea of action, but revenge seemed empty to her in the face of what they had lost.

“Bring him,” Aleksander called out. A soldier opened the door to a side room, where one of his fellows waited with the prisoner. In moments, the rescued sailor was dragged into the room until he stood before Aleksander and Alina. The soldiers shoved the man down to his knees, each keeping a hand on one of his shoulders to hold him in place.

Alina couldn’t stop herself from staring at this man whose nondescript looks were made striking by a pair of bright green eyes. She felt a tendril of hatred burn through her numbness at the sight of him. This was one of the people who had stolen her daughter’s chance to grow up and to live. It may have been irrational, but she felt as if Fate had chosen to tear her daughter away and reward this stranger with life instead. She wondered if Aleksander felt the sharp bite of that injustice and waited to see what he would do.

Instead of shouting and threats, Aleksander's voice was calm and almost placid when he asked, “What is your name?”

“Niall Macguire” the man said hesitantly with a Kaelish accent. He was from the Wandering Isle, then. “What are you going to do with me?” Macguire asked. His face was stoic, but there was a quaver in his voice underlying the words.

Aleksander seemed to relish that terror, drinking it in as shadows began to form around his feet and his hands. “What I am going to do to you, Niall Macguire, is to visit every nightmare and torture you can imagine upon you until you tell me what it is I wish to know.”

Macguire paled. Alina couldn’t dredge up even a shred of sympathy for him. Part of her wanted to see him suffer. It was an ugly part of her, but it was there nonetheless.

“I don’t know anything,” he protested. “Please. I don’t.”

“I doubt that very much,” Aleksander said in the same even tone he’d used before. “What role did you serve aboard the _Fitheach_?”

Macguire hesitated as if any word he spoke could damn him. “I just worked in the rigging. I’m just a common sailor.”

“You had no contact with Saoirse Byrne other than that?”

“None!” he protested

“What did she tell you of your mission?” Aleksander asked idly, the tendrils of darkness beginning to slither across the floor toward his prisoner.

Macguire looked ill and seemed unable to look away from the shadows creeping towards him. “I don’t know! All we were told was that we would be acquiring cargo. A--a target--who would make us a lot of money and turn the tide of the war.”

“For which side?” Aleksander demanded now, the shadows lapping at Macguire’s knees and wrapping themselves around his bent legs. The sailor shuddered at their touch and gave a low whimper.

“It was the Kerch,” he gasped out once the dark bands began to tighten around him. “We were to sail to Kerch the fastest route possible. Having…her…was supposed to convince you to take their side in the war.”

Macguire had the good grace to look guilty as well as terrified at the damning words.

“I see,” Aleksander’s words slid through the air smoothly. “Thank you. You have been very helpful.” He nodded as if deciding on something. Macguire slumped in relief that the interrogation was over. 

But Aleksander paused and turned back to him. “I must admit,” he mused. “I have so many other questions for you. You see, I cannot help but wonder what my daughter’s last moments were like. Do you think she knew the end was coming? Was she terrified as she drowned? Did she cry out for me or for her mother?” 

A vision of Lada’s final moments rose up in her, and Alina couldn’t hold in a sob. It tore its way from her breast and out of her throat—an ugly, wretched noise.

Aleksander continued as if she hadn’t made a sound. “I suppose I will never know,” he said calmly, motioning with his fingers to two Grisha who stood off to the side next to what looked like a large tub. They picked up the tub, weighed down by something heavy and brought it to the front of the room to rest in front of Macguire. It sloshed a modicum of water onto the floor.

The sailor’s eyes grew wide as the Grisha deposited their burden before him. When the two soldiers standing guard began to push him forward at a signal from Aleksander, Macguire began to struggle and to beg as they positioned his head over the water. “Don’t! I told you everything. Please!”

Alina looked on, horrified as she realized what was about to happen and tried to will herself to step forward. To put a stop to it. 

Aleksander’s voice was a stark, harsh rasp when he said, “You told me everything, and you have my thanks for that. Now please, give my regards to my daughter.” With a sudden gesture, the shadows surrounding Macguire’s legs slid higher, snapping around his arms and constricting them to his sides. Aleksander nodded, and the guards pushed the sailor’s head downwards into the water with a splash that cut off his cries.

Alina stared, appalled. She finally took that step forward and reached for Aleksander’s arm. "Don’t,” she whispered. “Stop this.” But he ignored her. She could only watch in horror as Macguire thrashed against both his bonds and the guards’ hands. The water churned around him. It seemed an eternity before those motions began to slow, but suddenly he went limp. The shadows slithered away from him, and the guards pulled the dead man out of the water and let him fall with a thud to the floor. Macguire’s face stared up at nothing, and a dark stain of water slowly spread from his upper body across the floor like blood.

Aleksander watched it seep from the corpse that had once been their prisoner before turning to the two Grisha guards. “Get rid of it,” he said quietly. They nodded, hefting the body between them. 

Alina stared after them as they dragged their burden from the room, leaving a trail of liquid dripping in their wake. She turned on Aleksander.

“Why?” she asked, helplessly.

“Because I could,” he replied, his eyes the cold of a wintry night, all darkness and emptiness. “Besides,” he said, his voice like a shard of ice, “He deserved to know what that water felt like.” 

Alina opened her mouth to say something, but whether to chastise Aleksander or to praise his actions, she wasn’t sure. 

He turned from her as if he didn’t care to find out. “We need not stay any longer. The generals must be convened. We leave in half an hour.”

Alina tried to catch his sleeve, but he just walked away from her and out the door. 

There was nothing to do but helplessly follow.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to give them a hug.

Aleksander commanded the carriage driver to take them back home as swiftly as possible, but as they settled into a jostling clip, Alina couldn’t help but think that the palace might never feel like home ever again. Although she sat close enough to Aleksander that there was only a small gap between their knees, she may as well have been alone. He didn’t look at her; he didn’t talk to her; he just stared out the window toward the oncoming road. For her part, Alina watched the path disappearing behind them along with the sparkling vista of the sea as it grew smaller and smaller. She could barely breathe there was so much regret and sorrow filling her lungs. It took all of her concentration to dam up her tears and to say her goodbyes to the place where she had last seen her beloved daughter happy and healthy.

Somewhere during that long, silent journey, she realized they would have to plan a funeral. She didn’t know if she could cope with one, and she certainly didn’t know how she would make the many decisions that such a thing would require. 

Genya. 

Genya, she knew, would take care of her and take care of the preparations. The thought that she could rely on her friend and advisor brought her a measure of relief.

She glanced down at the heavy gold and obsidian ring she wore on her hand to symbolize her union with Aleksander. The black stone seemed to draw light into its depths, and she imagined shoving all her overwhelming emotions into it. If she could do that, maybe she could be as contained as he seemed to be. His mourning was a quiet thing compared to hers, unremarkable beyond the paleness of his face and the haggard expression he wore now that they were alone.

She cleared her throat softly, and his gaze flicked over to hers.

“There has to be a funeral,” she began, but her voice soon trailed off to nothing.

He looked away and back out the window. “I will take care of it,” he said quietly, and Alina nodded although she wan’t sure if he registered the response.

After hour upon hour of travel, the palace finally loomed in the distance. Aleksander was out the door almost before the carriage stopped, but he did turn and reach for Alina to help her descend to the ground. The relief that filled her at that gesture cut through her numbness. She had begun to worry that he blamed her somehow as much as she blamed herself. 

There was nothing like blame in his voice, though, as he murmured, “I will be meeting with the generals. Join me if you feel you can.” 

A part of her relaxed at his tone and at the knowledge that she didn’t have to go if she didn’t want to. It was too much far too soon. She understood they needed to plan how to respond to the Kerch’s machinations, but she just couldn’t do it right now. And she didn’t think she could stand to be as cold and rational as Aleksander was capable of being with his centuries of practice. Instead her eyes flitted to Genya standing nearby.

Alina saw her friend’s eyes take in the blank space where there should have been a laughing, chattering girl between them. When she reached Alina’s side, the Tailor opened and closed her mouth a few times before gathering her into a gentle hug. 

“She’s gone,” Alina said in a low voice. That was all she could manage before Genya was guiding her toward her rooms. The few courtiers they encountered looked away in the face of Alina’s grief or bowed quietly as she walked past them. Soon enough, Genya began to turn them down corridors that were always empty of other people, and Alina was grateful that her despair wasn’t on display for everyone to see. She was even more grateful that nobody could see her expression as she passed the door to her daughter’s room. Someone must have opened it in anticipation of Lada’s return, and the emptiness of it made her heart crack open once more. 

When she entered her own rooms, she paused and Genya asked her quietly, “Do you want to talk about it? Or would you like to be alone?”

“Alone,” Alina said, her voice distant.

Genya nodded, and Alina trailed behind her as she walked to the bedroom. Genya pulled back the bed covers, revealing sheets that were cool and comforting. 

Surrounded by everything that was familiar, Alina lay down and lost herself to the blessed nothingness of sleep.

\--------------------

She couldn’t seem to drag herself out of her bed in the few days that followed and would have gladly stayed in the dark for the rest of her life. Aleksander didn’t seem to need sleep. Or if he did, she was never conscious when he was alongside her. It wasn’t until Genya woke her by opening the curtains and letting warm, yellow light flood the room that Alina finally stirred.

“What are you doing?” she asked groggily, trying to hold in the dull stab of anger that filled her. Her dreams had been full of her daughter. Alina had been laughing as she called to her child to stop and turn towards her. But the dream Lada had kept running as her hair blew behind her in a gentle breeze, always just one step out of reach.

“You have to get up, Alina,” Genya said, her voice quiet. “The funeral is today. Nikolai and Zoya arrived yesterday. They want to see you—to be here for you. We all do.”

After a moment, Alina nodded. She couldn’t avoid what was about to happen, and she wasn’t really sure if she wanted to. This would be her time to say goodbye alongside her friends and Aleksander. Although she hadn’t wanted take part in planning the ceremony, she knew it was possible it could help in some small way.

She felt as stiff as an old woman as she got to her feet before shrugging on the _kefta_ she kept separate for state occasions. Her hair was a wreck, and Genya combed it for her at the dressing table as she once had at the Little Palace.

“Do you want me to...?” Genya trailed off as she raised her hands in the mirror, gesturing to the deep circles under Alina’s eyes.

Alina shook her head. “No. Leave them.” 

If now wasn’t the time to let herself show her naked sadness, then there never would be a time.

Genya gave her a gentle smile and packed away her powders and unguents in their traveling case. “Nikolai and Zoya are waiting outside if you want to see them now.”

“I’d like that,” Alina whispered, and she realized she did in fact want to see them. It was time to stop being alone.

Genya opened the door leading to the living room, and Alina took a long breath before stepping through to join her friend on the other side. Time had seemed to stop for a little while when she’d been claimed by the oblivion of sleep, and she was nervous to let it start up again. But she couldn’t pretend things were different than they were any longer. Her dreams had been just that. Only dreams.

When she saw Nikolai’s burnished-gold hair and hazel eyes, she almost let out a sob. His expression was so full of sorrow for her. Zoya’s stoic face made her stop short, though. Alina had let Zoya into her heart several years ago after the Squaller had become Nikolai’s queen. They now had their own unique form of friendship and understanding despite Zoya’s admittedly prickly nature.

“Alina,” Nikolai said hoarsely. “I am so, so sorry.”

Alina nodded, and her heart gave a dull throb of pain. She went to him when he held his arms open to her. It was too easy to be herself around Nikolai after all these years of friendship.

“What can we do?” he asked into her hair. “We’re here for you however you need us to be.”

Zoya seemed to be at a loss for words, but Alina saw her nod her agreement.

“It means so much to me that you’re here,” Alina said, and her voice quavered slightly as she pulled herself together.

Nikolai squeezed her one last time before letting go. 

“It’s time,” Genya interjected quietly, and she took Alina’s arm with a gentle touch as she led the group from the room.

When they entered the Great Hall, Alina saw that a plinth had been erected on the ground in front of the stairs leading to the two thrones. On top of it lay an open coffin. More people than she could count lined the walls, and they chattered in low rumbles. Her people quieted at the sight of Alina alongside the Ravkan king and queen before they began to gather into long rows leading toward the coffin.

A small choir begin to sing as if their queen’s entrance had been the signal for the ceremony to begin. The sweet voices twined together in a melancholy wash of sound that gathered and rose even as it tore at her heart. Alina hesitated only a moment before she walked past the coffin to join Aleksander on the dais. As she did so, she glanced inside it, not wanting to look but doing it anyway.

There was no body to bury since Lada had been lost at sea. No body to dress in white for the funeral. Instead, an empty shift with an unfinished hem lay inside the coffin meant to symbolize her life that had been cut short. Her small crown studded with garnets and obsidian rested on the pillow, and a belt of black silk lay on top of the shift to represent death as was customary for the Ravkan people. 

It was to be a Ravkan funeral, then. The sight of these traditions comforted her a bit with their familiarity, and she felt a wash of love for Aleksander. She knew he had done this for her, and it meant more than she could say.

Aleksander reached out and took her hand when she was settled beside him. As if that was a signal of its own, the lines of people began to come forward in a slow procession. Each person dropped a flower or what looked like a trinket into the open coffin when they passed by. These things were supposed to accompany her daughter’s spirit into the afterlife. Alina felt her throat clench. She didn’t want to cry—she was so tired of crying—but a single tear tracked its way down her cheek.

The coffin stood full to the brim with flowers when everyone had finished, and Tamar and Tolya stepped forward from the walls before letting the final flowers fall from their own hands. Then the twins lifted the lid onto the coffin and shut it tight. 

A priest took his place at their side. Alina recognized him as originally being from Ravka, and he began to say the ancient words of the funerary service. She tried to focus on the familiar phrases about souls departing and eternal rest, but they drifted by her unheard.

The clink of pebbles hitting the top of the casket jerked her attention back to the scene before her. The priest had sprinkled soil over the top of the wooden box and was now saying the final words of the rite. He stepped backwards, and Nikolai and David joined Tamar and Tolya at the coffin’s four points. Their faces were grim as they hefted their burden, lifting it into the air onto their shoulders. As they made their way toward the door, Alina felt as if a cord stretched from her heart to the box with its handful of dirt dashed across the top.

Aleksander tugged on her hand gently, and they began to walk slowly behind the procession. Alina stared straight ahead, eager to be away from the people in the hall. She knew they had loved her daughter from afar and wanted to express their grief. She felt grateful for that, but they hadn’t really known her child. Not as she had.

Two guards opened the double doors that led to the palace grounds, and Alina noted they were walking toward the gardens once they stepped onto the well-worn gravel pathway. She realized she didn’t know what was happening next, but she trusted Aleksander to have made meaningful decisions. 

A small hiccuping sob wrenched its way out of her when she saw what he had asked the Fabrikators to create.

It was a small tomb of black marble with scrolling cornices along the top and scenes of deer and fantastical creatures carved into its sides. A plaque with the words “Lada Morozova” ran along its top accompanied by a gold sunburst. 

This exquisite monument would stand forever to her daughter’s memory, and the fact that Aleksander had claimed her with his family name filled her heart with both joy and pain. 

The path to the tomb had been scattered with fir and juniper boughs for the occasion, as was their tradition, and the scents eddied about her. Alina knew she would never be able to smell such a thing ever again without thinking of this moment. She would always remember how the sun shone down so perversely cheerful on this darkest of days. If she could have blotted it from the sky, she would have. Better Aleksander’s darkness in this moment than the symbol of her own power.

She saw Baghra waiting at the doors of the tomb. The woman looked older and more frail than she ever had before. Her eyes were like dark pits that ate the sunlight. She was bent slightly, but she straightened as Alina and Aleksander joined her. Two guards stepped forward and pulled open the tomb’s doors, the hinges working smoothly and soundlessly. Alina looked into the darkness within and despaired as Nikolai, Tamar, Tolya, and David carried the coffin inside then finally returned to stand outside. Each one looked solemn and so terribly sad.

Aleksander tugged on her limp hand once more, and she felt him gently pull her toward the entrance.

When the pair entered the small chamber, the cool dark air was a shock to her numbed senses. A plinth stood in the middle of the room, the coffin sitting atop it. A ray of light from outside the tomb fell upon the box, and Alina began to cry at the sight. She couldn’t seem to stop the dry, wracking sobs as she stood there alone with Aleksander. For his part, Aleksander said nothing, seeming unable to make a move either to comfort her or to stop her from crying.

Alina lifted her face to look at him over the coffin. 

“How do we do this?” she asked helplessly when she managed to get the words out of her thick throat. “I don’t know what to do.”

She waited, but he said nothing in return. Even when Alina moved to stand beside him, he didn’t tear his gaze away from the coffin that lay before him. She didn’t know how to comfort him any more than she knew how to comfort herself. Reaching out to rest her fingers gently on the side of the box, she said, “Goodbye, my sweet girl. I am so sorry we weren’t there for you...”

That was all she managed to get out before the tears came too thickly to say anything else. 

Aleksander reached out and touched the side of the box, resting his hand beside hers. After a long moment, he turned to go and Alina found herself following him once more. He still hadn’t spoken a word nor shed a tear. She knew his grief must be as great as hers, and she didn’t understand how he was able to hold his emotions so tightly inside of himself.

The sunlight outside the tomb was just as bright as it had been before they went inside, and the small group stood waiting for them. Alina had forgotten they were there. Baghra nodded to her just once before beginning the slow trek to her cottage. Alina knew Aleksander’s mother was weighed down under her emotions just as he was, even if the two didn’t show it to the world. She determined to come see the older woman later.

By the time they took the slow trek through the gardens and reentered the palace, the courtiers and townsfolk had dispersed. Stark quiet filled the rooms in a way it never had before. When Aleksander peeled off from the group silently, Alina almost reached out for him, but she let him go in the end. Surely he would come to her in his own time. If he needed to brood alone, she would respect that.

Instead, she said her thanks and goodbyes to Nikolai and Zoya, David and Genya, and Tolya and Tamar. Her friends had been there for her in a way that she would never forget. Tamar followed behind her, refusing to be dismissed as Alina continued onward toward her quarters. She needed the darkness and solitude of her bedroom more than ever. 

Once inside, she turned to the Heartrender, somehow finding the words she had held back.

“I haven’t been able to talk to you, Tamar,” Alina said softly.

Tamar stiffened and seemed to be steeling herself for whatever Alina was going to say next.

Alina paused, unsure of what her friend was bracing for. She continued with what she hoped was a smile. “But I want you to know that I’m glad you were there with us when everything happened. Thank you for doing all you could to take care of my daughter.”

Tamar’s eyes widened, and she gave a sharp gasp as if Alina had slapped her across the face instead of offering her kind words.

“Don’t thank me,” she said on a low growl.

At Alina’s shocked expression, Tamar said quietly, “You of all people should know that what happened was my fault.”

Alina gaped at her. “What are you talking about?”

“I was supposed to guard her,” Tamar ground out, her voice harsh. “I was sworn to guard her—to guard _all_ of you. That was my duty, and what good am I if I can’t do that?” she finished bitterly.

Alina felt a wave of horror that Tamar had been carrying that guilt with her for so many days. 

“You don’t think I feel the same way?” she demanded. “I keep asking myself what we could have done differently. How different would things be if we’d never gone there at all or if I hadn’t allowed her to come?” 

Tamar’s hands shook slightly as Alina took them up in her own. “You can’t blame yourself, Tamar," she said firmly. “You did everything you were supposed to do. We were betrayed, and there was no way you could have known.”

Tamar nodded, freeing her hands to dash away a few angry tears. “I’ll be outside the door if you need anything,” she said gruffly before turning to go.

Alina sighed. It wasn’t the admission that her friend was free of wrongdoing she wanted to hear, but at least Tamar didn’t seem to be blaming herself as much anymore. And there had been a truth to the words that Alina would try to remind herself of whenever she herself felt that consuming guilt.

It hadn’t been their fault. 

Perhaps she could convince Aleksander of that fact if she tried hard enough. She had a feeling he would be punishing himself for their loss just as Alina had been doing. Drifting toward the bedroom, she found herself falling first into bed and then into a deep, wrung-out sleep.

When she woke, it was to darkness outside the window and a knock on the door. Alina rose, feeling groggy. She took in the fact that it was the middle of the night and the other half of the bed she lay in was still empty. 

Aleksander hadn’t come to join her. 

She pushed down her feeling of disappointment. When would he be willing to talk, she wondered. And when he did finally talk, what would he say to her? Would they be words of comfort, words of blame or of self-recrimination? She shook her head and glanced up as Genya entered.

The Tailor paused in the doorway as if worried to see Alina’s reaction to what she had to say. “Razumovsky has been captured,” she said, her voice low. “The king needs you with him.”

The man who had betrayed them was here. He was in the palace. Alina felt torn between a feeling of triumph that he’d been taken and the feeling that something was about to tilt and change. A cold chill of foreboding slid along her bones, and she tried to prepare herself for what was to come. Whatever it was, she needed Aleksander beside her. 

And hopefully he needed her just as much, because she wasn’t sure they could survive this without each other.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience while I got this chapter out, friends! I took part in NaNoWriMo and started a Ninth House fic (because I can't seem to stay away from playing in LB's worlds...) I so appreciate all your words of encouragement and comments on this fic. I sketched out the final chapter a few weeks ago, so everything will probably come faster now that I'm in the editing stage <3

“They caught Razumovsky?” Alina asked, needing Genya to repeat the words.

Her advisor nodded. “At the Fjerdan border near the coast.”

Fjerda. That could mean all kinds of scenarios would play out, she thought. It was doubtful that Fjerda was behind the kidnapping, but perhaps their new king who hated her kingdom would have granted a traitor safe passage. But a port town meant he could have been trying to go anywhere from the Wandering Isle to Kerch as the sailor had said or the Southern Colonies. Even if he hadn’t made his way to the Shu border, it didn’t discount that he could have been working for them as well.

“Where is he now?” Alina asked, supplanting any questions of where Razumovsky had been going and what he’d planned on doing with his freedom. This man was as guilty of killing her daughter as Saoirse Byrne had been, and she wanted to see him pay for it.

“He’s being held in the cells below the palace,” Genya responded with an assessing look. Alina had the feeling she looked as bloodthirsty as she felt when it came to their former general.

“Will he be questioned in the cells or in the Hall?” she wondered aloud.

“I understand he’s to be questioned immediately by the king--and yourself if you’re able.” Genya trailed off on those words. 

Alina understood why her friend felt hesitant on her behalf. She hadn’t been particularly stable the past few days, but she would pull herself out of her despair for this. She couldn’t punish the sea captain who had stolen Lada, but she could see to the fate of this man and try to get some measure of closure.

She was in such a hurry to leave the room and make her way to the cells that her feet scuffed the ground. Genya followed a little ways behind her. When they came to a barred door with two soldiers flanking it, the soldiers both nodded as if expecting her and opened the door.

Smooth stairs shaped out of stone spiraled down into darkness lit by lanterns at spaced intervals. Alina slowed her pace to keep from tripping, and before long found herself at the bottom where Aleksander waited. Alina was surprised to see Nikolai and Zoya standing beside him.

“What are you both doing here?” she asked almost on a whisper. It felt like the sort of place where one should whisper. There was a sense of dread lifting up from the stones themselves as if the cells had seen more use, although this was one of the first instances of them holding a prisoner.

“We’re here as your allies,” Nikolai responded.

Zoya nodded. “I want to see the man who betrayed you and us in return,” she said firmly. There would be no quarter for Razumovsky from Ravka, Alina could tell.

Aleksander merely gestured to the hallway before them, where a lantern gleamed in the darkness. He was still so distant, Alina thought. Had he even spoken two words to her since Lada’s death? She tried not to think about it and to focus on what was to come.

Razumovsky waited for them, looking up from where he sat on a bench in the dim light of his cell. The silence was strained as he maintained steady eye contact with the royal members arranged in front of him.

“You know what we want to hear,” Aleksander said cooly, seeming to be completely under control in a way Alina never could be. Her emotions were running roughshod over her as she stared at the man who had sold them out.

Razumovsky continued to say nothing, and Aleksander unlocked and opened the cell door. The former general was chained to the wall by each wrist, although there was enough slack to let him move around.

“I am perfectly willing to force you to talk,” Aleksander continued. “It will be unpleasant for you, and quite gratifying for me, so save yourself the discomfort and tell us who you are working for.” Shadows began to creep over the floor as if to emphasize his point, and Razumovsky dropped his gaze to them, his expression finally beginning to crack. But he held firm.

“I can’t tell you that,” he said, his voice scratchy as if from long disuse. “They already targeted my family and have made it very clear what they’ll do to them if I say anything.”

Nikolai spoke up then. “If your people are here or in Ravka, we can provide guards to keep them safe. Just answer the question, and it will be done.”

“I’m guessing that safety doesn’t apply to me, though,” the prisoner said with a sardonic quirk of his mouth. Alina wanted to rake her fingernails down his face and blot out that smile.

“That remains to be seen,” Aleksander responded. Still calm, still cold.

Razumovsky drew a deep breath and held it as if weighing his options. “Very well,” he said quietly. “I was hired by the Kerch to acquire your daughter for ransom. For aid in the coming war. They plan to make a move soon, and without more of a platform to send their troops across land, their odds of winning were low.”

“And what did they promise you in exchange for my daughter?” Aleksander asked softly.

The man sighed. “Money and the knowledge that no attempts would be made against my family’s lives.”

“If you’d just come forward, we would have protected them—and you,” Alina found herself saying.

He shrugged. “Perhaps I was a fool, but I couldn’t risk losing them. I’m sure you understand.”

Alina was silent at that. She didn’t want to understand. She just wanted him to pay for what he’d done in some way. Whether that meant imprisonment for the rest of his days or not, she wasn’t sure.

Aleksander seemed to feel the same way as he nodded briskly. “That is all we needed.”

“And now you keep me in here for the rest of my life and I never see my family again?” Razumovsky asked wearily.

Something that might have been a smile crossed Aleksander’s face at that. “Do not worry,” he responded. “All in all, your imprisonment will be short.” Then, without warning, he raised his arms into the air and lashed out with the Cut.

Alina jerked back with a gasp as the power roiled through the air, cleaving the man in front of her nearly in two. Nikolai and Zoya pulled away as well. A change in air pressure signaled that Zoya had been startled into calling her power to her in case they needed protection.

Aleksander gave no sign of emotion at the man’s death. He merely turned and walked away towards the stairs without a word, giving only the briefest of nods to their allies.

Alina thought about catching his sleeve. She wanted to demand that he stop just for a moment and explain what he was doing instead of hurtling forward with whatever plan he had in his mind. Because there was surely a plan. He never did anything that couldn’t be twisted into something for his advantage.

Her stomach roiled as she took in the sight of their former general hanging forward in his chains, the blood spilling in a tide across the floor. If she was honest with herself, she had expected it. Even more, while she didn’t rejoice exactly, she wasn’t upset about his death, either.

Perhaps that meant her own heart was solidifying to ice as Aleksander’s seemed to be doing. And perhaps that wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe it would save what was left of it from being utterly destroyed.

With Aleksander long gone, Nikolai and Zoya turned to stare at Alina as if she could give them some kind of an explanation.

“What was that, Alina?” Nikolai asked heavily.

She tried to shrug off his words. “Did you think he would be allowed to live? Really? After what he’d done?”

Nikolai hesitated, then shook his head. “No. I suppose I can understand the Darkling wanting some kind of revenge.”

Zoya, however, seemed to be putting their true thoughts into words as she said, “He does nothing without some kind of ulterior motive. Do you know what it is?”

Alina shook her head. “We haven’t talked since everything happened with Lada. I don’t know what he intends any more than you do.”

Nikolai watched her, only breaking the eerie sound of blood dripping onto the floor to warn her, “Be careful, Alina. Whatever he’s up to, it won’t be good.”

Alina tried to think of something reassuring to say, but she only nodded and led the way back up the stairs to the shining hallways that seemed oblivious to the bloodshed taking place at the roots of the palace. Genya took in her friend’s pallor along with the faces of the Ravkan king and queen, and whatever she saw there, she kept her silence about it. She only took Alina’s arm in hers as they walked down the hallway back to the residential area. Where the hallway branched, Nikolai and Zoya stopped to say their careful farewells until dinner. 

Alina didn’t know what else to do but return to her rooms and perhaps later try to find some peace alone in the gardens. She supposed if she wanted somewhere to wander, she could linger outside her daughter’s new tomb. The thought made tears fill her eyes, although she refused to let them fall in front of anyone.

“I’ll see you later for dinner if you like,” Genya said while giving her a small hug.

“I think I might just have something here later on. Thank you, though,” Alina said quietly.

Stepping into her rooms, she sat for a while in silent despair on the couch before deciding to at least try to read something. The book she wanted was on one of the bookshelves in her and Aleksander’s bedroom. When she entered it to find the volume, she found the curtains pulled shut, leaving the room in darkness.

Was Aleksander here? she wondered. Was he sleeping? Before she could inch back out the door, she heard his voice low in the gloom.

“What are you looking for?”

“Nothing,” Alina said, not wanting to interrupt whatever he was doing. She had only sensed distance from him in the days and hours before this one, and now she didn’t know how best to approach him.

“You must be tired,” she said slowly. “Have you slept at all since...everything?”

He shifted in the darkness. “I cannot. There is too much to do.”

As her eyes adjusted to the dim light, Alina could make out that he sat on the side of the bed with his head bowed, holding Lada’s toy horse. Her feeling that she was interrupting him only increased. But how were they to heal if not by each other’s side?

She moved to sit next to him, the mattress dipping under her weight. She spoke cautiously after a long moment, unsure of what to say. “It was a nice ceremony. Thank you for arranging everything.”

He didn’t answer her, just ran his fingers gently over the wooden figure in his hands.

“Aleksander. What happened downstairs,” she trailed off. “I know you can’t possibly be alright right now, but I’m worried for you. Nikolai and Zoya are worried for you, too,” she continued. “Please talk to me.” A frisson of desperation filled her as he maintained his stony silence.

When he finally spoke, his voice was quiet. “There is nothing to say.”

She pulled herself together and asked the thing she’d been dreading through her waking and sleeping hours. “Do you blame me?”

He breathed in slowly, then let it out on a long exhale. The gesture didn’t help her feeling of unease. “Not entirely,” he replied, and the soft words felt like a slap to her fragile heart. “I blame myself just as much,” he finished.

“Can we talk about it?” she ventured.

He shook his head, slow and sure. “No.”

“But I need you,” she said, her voice weak. “I feel so alone. Please tell me you’re going to be here and that we’ll face this together.”

“I cannot make any promises, Alina.”

She felt a wave of disappointment wash over her. “Then will you at least tell me what you’re planning? I can tell there’s something going on.”

He hesitated. “Not yet. But soon.”

She nodded. “Alright. I’ll wait. But please don’t make it be for much longer.”

She could just make out his cold smile that she didn’t think was meant for her, but it chilled her to the marrow nevertheless. Nikolai and Zoya seemed to be right. Whatever he was planning, it wouldn’t be good.

Alina watched Aleksander climb to his feet and leave the room without another word. She sighed and curled up on the bed, but sleep wouldn’t come. Tossing and turning achieved nothing, and after long hours of doing both, she sat up in bed and swung her legs over the side. There had to be something to bring her some kind of relief, but she was unsure what that might be. Something tugged in her heart like an aching tooth waiting to be pulled. Following that tug, she left her bedroom intending to walk to the gardens. It was difficult to ignore the guards shadowing her as they always did, but she knew where she had to go.

Lada’s tomb stood dark and implacable in the night, lit by two torches placed in brackets on either side of the door as if someone had anticipated what she wanted.

Not someone. Aleksander.

He wasn’t there now, but perhaps he had also been here where she was standing. She couldn’t be sure if that was the truth, but it felt like it. Staring up at the dark stone, the torchlight’s flickers made the images carved into the sides of the tomb dance and whirl.

Alina wasn’t sure how long she stood there in the darkness, but she turned her gaze into the night at the sound of a foot scraping gravel. The guards were still behind her staying unobtrusively out of sight. This was something else.

A moment later, Baghra came hobbling into view. Her stick seemed to be the only thing holding her up as she came to stand beside Alina. The older woman looked terribly frail.

“She was meant to outlive us all,” Baghra said into the stillness after they had stood next to each other for several minutes. Her voice was a dry rasp.

Alina nodded. Perhaps that was why it seemed so horribly, overwhelmingly unfair that her daughter should be dead. Not just unfair. Wrong.

“There’s nothing I can do to change it, is there?” she asked.

Baghra turned a sharp look on her. “As if you had not learned your lesson last time you were foolish enough to play with death?”

“No,” Alina said quietly. “I have learned. I won’t try to bring her back.”

“As long as my son shares that understanding, then I am satisfied.”

Alina frowned. “What do you mean?”

“He will be planning something,” Baghra said slowly, as if to a child. “And you must not underestimate what he is capable of.” She paused. “Has he told you of what those plans of his are?”

Alina shook her head, frustrated that everyone seemed to expect he would trust her when he clearly was not willing to make her a partner in his machinations. “No, but he says it will be soon. Whatever it is.”

They stood in the darkness, both thinking of what could possibly be on the horizon.

Baghra spoke first. “I think you should at least be preparing yourself for war with Kerch, if not something worse. His gestures always have teeth, whether they are hidden or not.”

Alina felt her heart sink. War was something she had tried her best to avoid for the past fifteen years of peace and prosperity. That could all change in a heartbeat depending on what Aleksander proposed. Perhaps she could talk him down from such a course. They were equals in running the country, after all.

“I think you might be right about war,” Alina said quietly. “He wants revenge, that much is clear, but how would that benefit anyone?” she wondered aloud. “Our daughter would still be dead no matter what kind of destruction he visited on Kerch.”

Baghra gave a harsh laugh. “My son’s pride was always going to be his downfall--his and everyone else’s close to him. He will not be able to keep himself from moving against those who took something from him, let alone that child.” The older woman’s eyes became bright with what might have been unshed tears as she said, “I never thought to see him open himself up to someone as he had with her or with you either, girl.” She shifted and rested her weight more heavily on her stick. “Now we shall see the consequences of that,” she warned as she began to trudge back to her hut.

A chill went through Alina at those final words as she watched Baghra walk away. What if he closed himself up forever? She would always need him, but with Lada being snatched away, perhaps he would never allow her inside again. It had always been a hard-fought process to have him open himself up. It was like he held his true self in tightly-clenched fists, forcing her to pry out bits and pieces of information and emotion. They had come so far together over the years. Now it was likely the end.

Gazing at the impenetrable marble walls of the tomb, Alina tried to harden her heart into the same kind of rigidity, but to no avail. She would just have to accept that she had lost her child and may now lose the other love of her life as well. The thought drove her from the tomb, and she turned to go back to her rooms that seemed as much a prison now as a haven.

She made the mistake of making eye contact with the guards who waited for her, and she didn’t think she was imagining their looks of pity. And why not? Between Aleksander’s cold distance and the tragedy of Lada’s death, she had lost everything that truly mattered.

No, not everything, she reminded herself. She still had her friends: Genya, Nikolai, Zoya, Tamar, and all the others. And who did Aleksander have besides her? she wondered. Perhaps if he had ever been willing to open himself up to simple friendship then he wouldn’t be as desperate to warm his heart with revenge. He wouldn’t want pity from her or anyone else on that score, though. She resolved to encourage him to pursue some other outlet for his grief. There had to be a way, as unlikely as it seemed.

As if she had been able to conjure him for the first time in days just by thinking about him, Alina returned to their room to find Aleksander gathering papers and other objects into a traveling bag. She stared at him, unsure what she was looking at and what she had walked into.

“What are you doing?” she asked, bewildered. “It’s the middle of the night.”

He glanced her way, his face impassive. “I must go. It is time to put my plans into motion.

Alina stared at him. “But it’s only been three days since... since everything,” she stumbled on the words. “We just held Lada’s funeral. How can you possibly leave now?” She knew her voice sounded desperate, but she didn’t care.

“I have waited too long as it is.”

“Well, take me with you, whatever you’re doing. Let me help you.”

He shook his head. “I do not need nor want your help at this moment.”

She felt her heart sink at his words. so he intended to continue to shut her out. “At least tell me what’s happening,” she exclaimed, letting her frustration show.

A bitter smile touched the edges of his lips at her words, and her heart froze at his words.

“What is about to happen, Alina, is the thing I have waited for over so many centuries. What is about to happen is the end and the beginning of everything.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always for your lovely comments and kudos! It means so much to me :)
> 
> Things really get going with this chapter, and I'm so glad if you decided to stick with this despite me taking so long to write and edit these last chapters.
> 
> It seems way too appropriate that I was listening to Muse's "Black Holes and Revelations" album on repeat while writing this... Anyways. I hope you enjoy it!

“I don’t understand you,” Alina said slowly, refusing to make sense of his words. “What are you talking about? What end? What beginning?”

“What I am talking about is change,” he replied, and a fire she hadn’t seen in a long time lit his eyes. “I am talking about changing the playing board—about upending it—with everything that goes along with that. Should we play the game well, it will change the way our people live. Where they can go and what they can do. All of it.”

“Our people are fine,” Alina stated flatly. “And none of this is a game.”

He frowned. “Our people are anything but fine. The Grisha are still forced from their homes in practically every nation but Ravka. They flee to us here because their homes will not have them.”

“But ‘upending the playing board'?" She shook her head. "You’re talking about war and the suffering that goes along with it. No, Aleksander. No.”

He set his bag down in a chair placed in front of a small table. A chess board took up most of its surface. Alina remembered with a pang how the two had once spent lazy evenings together playing games on it. In a smooth gesture, he reached out a hand and pushed a knight forward. 

“It would take only a few pieces, Alina. A few pushes in the right direction, and everything would be the way it was meant to be.”

“And how is it meant to be?” she demanded. “What about the good we were doing here? Zelenyyi Mir. The experiment of creating a home for the Grisha and their families and friends. All of it! You can’t say it’s all been for nothing.”

He shook his head as he met her eyes, his expression dark. “The experiment is over. This is the turning point, Alina. I always knew a moment would come when you must see the truth. When you must see that what you created was a fantasy, and that this is what really matters: that we will forever be pawns until we take what should rightfully be ours.”

She stared at him, feeling as if her whole heart was pinned on his words. “It can’t just be over,” she stammered. “What about all we’ve accomplished? The Grisha live in safety now. We’ve won. Everyone wins with what we’ve built.”

Aleksander snorted. “The only way our people ‘win’ is by retreating to our borders. By fleeing their homes for the safety of our shores. And I do not need everyone to win, as you put it. I have only ever cared for our people. Our true people.”

Alina frowned, shaking her head. “You know I don’t make those distinctions. Every one of our citizens belongs here and belongs with us.”

As she spoke, Aleksander began to move the pieces on the board into a complicated pattern as if he wasn’t listening to her at all.

“I can see it, Alina. Everything it would take. I have seen it for a long time.” He took a Rook with the knight. It tipped over with a small clatter.

“The Kerch first.”

He moved a Queen and a Bishop into attack formation.

“Then the Shu and Fjerda will turn on our kingdom, knowing they would be next to fall. They will try to take us by force, perhaps even together. But we would be able to overcome even that with the full force of the Grisha who now support us. And they _will_ rally to us when they see what is at stake.”

He used the Knight to counter their moves and knocked each one of them over. They too fell with a small clatter.

He rounded up three pawns together on the board.

“The Southern Colonies, Novyi Zem, and the Wandering Isle would prove to be no match for us.”

They tipped over easily, and Alina drew in a breath at the realization of just how thoroughly he had thought this through.

Finally, he stopped and looked up at her, meeting her eyes with the full force of his intense gaze. Then he smiled a slow smile filled with a kind of ambition and anticipation that set her stomach churning.

“Taking Kerch would start a domino effect that will collapse the entirety of the nations as they currently exist. We would start anew with the Grisha in control where they belong.”

Alina shook her head, knowing what she had to say and not wanting to actually say it. Her voice came heavy. “This is about Lada. Don’t deny it. If it’s revenge you’re looking for—”

“It is not revenge,” he said sharply, cutting her off. “The Kerch think us weak. They assume they can take our daughter and know no consequences for it.” His hand gripped the top of the chair next to the little table, and she could see his knuckles whitening under the force of his grip. “I will show them the consequences of what they have done,” he continued. “They wanted you and I and our people to be their private army in the war against the Shu. They wished for their own monsters to command.” His smile turned cruel. “ So I will show them what a monster is in truth.”

Alina drew a shaky breath. This couldn’t be allowed to happen. She knew all too well the cost of endless war, and she didn’t believe it would be the swift victory he promised. No. She had to put an end to this, but she needed to know what he intended if she was going to eventually stop him.

She walked slowly to the table and looked down at it. “If we did go to war...”

“When,” he retorted.

“If. If I joined you in what you intend and convinced the Grisha and their allies to join you in this, how do you propose to win?”

His eyes sharpened, scanning her face as if trying to read the truth of her interest or to see if it was subterfuge. She schooled her expression as well as she could after years of practice playing these games with him. She needed all her power to bluff at the ready.

“We would win with tried and true methods,” he said finally, as if accepting her interest.

She looked at him sidelong. "What does that mean?”

“We have made our greatest gains when we show our greatest power, and we will do it once more. When that happens...” He trailed off as he extended his arm and slowly swept it across the board. Every piece fell clattering to the floor in a rush.

Alina stared at him. “You can’t possibly mean—”

“We use _merzost_ ,” he said, his calmness belying the violence of his plans. “I create a new Shadow Fold over Kerch. It will be a new tear in the world, one the likes of which has never been seen. And as it grows, it will devour Kerch in its wake. The Council of Tides, the Merchant Council, and everything else of that cursed island from Ketterdam to its opposite shore will be razed to the ground.”

Alina tried to hold herself together if only to hear more. But she couldn’t. She just couldn’t. “But the people of Kerch. They’ve done nothing.”

“They’ve done everything,” he retorted. “They prop up a corrupt government and its people do not care about the actions of that government. You have never been to Kerch. I have. There is nothing there worth saving.”

He toed the Rook on the ground with his toe, making it roll towards her. “One piece, Alina,” he said. “Just one piece, and all the rest fall. It is worth just the one. Surely you see that.”

She shook her head. “I refuse to believe the Kerch are nothing. Any victory at the cost of so much destruction is worthless.”

“Is it? I think you will find it is worth everything,” he argued. “The peace you covet and all that it entails rests on the edge of a knife. The Shu scientists who pull the secrets out of helpless Grisha still operate underground without check by their authorities. Fjerda’s upstart king readies to return to witch burnings.” He paused, his voice deathly quiet as he said, “Our daughter is a memory because of the Kerch. These nations will see they can rise against us with no reprisal if we do not act. You have not studied the reports as I have.” His voice dripped with contempt as he said, “The world is _worse_ than it was before you started your lauded experiment.”

Alina realized they stood very close to each other at that moment, and the shadows had begun to spool and shift around the corners of the room. Those shadows were in turn pushed back by a steady glow shining like a corona from her fingertips.

Aleksander pointedly pulled back his shadows as she watched, and she took control over her own power. He gave her a weary smile. She wondered how genuine it was. It looked real enough.

“I am tired, Alina,” he said. “Tired of fighting the same battles throughout the centuries. The past decade has been a respite, but it cannot last. Are you not tired of seeing our people forced to take shelter here in our kingdom or in Ravka? We are the two most powerful creatures to walk the earth, and yet those we care for are the most oppressed and vulnerable. Would you not rather put a stop to that injustice?”

She bit her lip. There was some truth to what he said. The Grisha still lived in secret in some places if they wanted to keep their homes or keep their children from being harassed or much worse. And while things were good in their own kingdom and Ravka, that left a sizable chunk of the known world in opposition to those she did indeed care for. And he was right that it did seem incongruous for people with marvelous powers to be subject to those who reviled and mistrusted and abused them. The rest of the world’s hate and fear toward the Grisha was powerful and long-lasting, and there was no denying that fact.

But.

“It’s not enough,” she said, her gaze strong and steady. “It’s not a good enough reason to murder thousands, and your plan is not a good enough way to try to change the world.”

His gaze grew hard. “This is what must happen, Alina. If you cannot see that or you will not stand with me, then you will get out of my way.”

“I won’t,” she said stubbornly. “I won’t let you do this, not to yourself and not to our daughter’s memory. Do you really think she would have wanted to see you turn yourself into this? How many children like her will you destroy on your way to victory?”

He drew back from her as if burned. “I am doing this for her. For what she could have been and for all that she could have accomplished in her own turn.”

Alina gave a mirthless laugh. “You honestly think our daughter would have tried to do what you’re proposing?”

His eyes sparked. “We will never know.” He seemed to be losing the leash on his tightly-held temper.

“You’re talking about using our daughter as an excuse to let your ambitions loose. I won’t let you do this to her memory.”

His face smoothed out again as he visibly reigned in his emotions. It made Alina’s heart ache that he was so obviously hurting, but she steeled herself with the knowledge that this battle wasn’t over.

“I know exactly who I am talking about, and I know the best way for me to honor her memory is to let the sea and the darkness sweep her enemies away into nothing.”

He wasn’t going to be swayed, she realized with a sick lurch of her heart. She decided to rely on logic.

“Ravka would stand against you,” she pointed out, nudging a fallen playing piece back towards him with her toe. “Zoya and Nikolai would never let you do what you’re suggesting.”

He smirked at that.

“Zoya and Lantsov would be too busy fending off the Shu Empire and the Fjerdans. Those nations have always wanted a chance to take back the land they lost and more. Once Kerch falls, they will try to take advantage of the chaos. Besides, they will assume Ravka stands with us as one of those who welcome the Grisha within their borders. Ravka’s paltry armies will be attempting to hold back a flood ready to wipe them off the map. They have far too few Grisha ready to fight. Unlike us.”

He gazed at her for a long moment, clearly not dissuaded from his plans. “You know our people will fight for this. They loved our daughter, just as we did. In the long run, they will not stand for such an attack on her—an attack on us and our nation. There will be a thirst for vengeance, and I will not be the one to turn them away from that.”

He watched her expression closely as he said, “I have not been sitting idle while you have been hiding. Word is spreading among the citizens, and they will be ready when we call upon them.”

Alina flinched at the barely-disguised jab. As if she had been weak for allowing herself to mourn. As if she’d been weak to give in to her grief. For a moment, she hated him. She had never thought she would feel that way, but a splinter of rage began to work its way into her consciousness, supplanting her concern and fear.

“What about those who aren’t Grisha,” she snapped. “They’re here as well.”

He nodded. “And I would not begrudge their allegiance, Alina. But there are more Grisha than _otkazatsya_ in this kingdom. I think they want their homelands back. Do you not think they would fight to regain their place both here and across the sea?”

Alina felt as if she stood toe to toe with him. “So you would have our Grisha fight against Ravka’s Grisha in the end?"

“I think the memory of what life was like not so very long ago will remind those in Ravka of what they stand to lose and what they stand to gain when nations begin to topple. They will join with us whether their rulers will it or no.”

Alina felt bowled over by his plans that were still coming together despite her every objection. “This is crazy,” she said with a certain amount of desperation. “This isn’t what you should be thinking about. You need to be mourning our daughter. With me.

He gave a bitter laugh. “I will not be listening to you any longer when it comes to what I need or what I do.” He paused. “And in truth, you only have yourself to blame for that.”

She recoiled from him as if he had slapped her. “What are you talking about?”

He watched her carefully for a moment. “You made me love something, Alina. This vision of what our life could have been. I let it in, and I let it change me. Now you see what that has done.”

She couldn’t seem to form words to respond. “That’s...that’s not—”

He cut her off. “If I cannot even keep my own daughter safe, how am I to keep the Grisha safe? No. They are my children now. I will tear down the world for them. I will have everything for us or nothing at all.”

“Don’t do this,” she begged. “We’ve been through so much. Don’t let this be how it ends.”

His mouth set in a firm line. “You are either with me or you are against me.”

Despair began to sink into her very bones. She reached out with the last of her hope, grasping his wrist. “I didn’t marry a monster. I didn’t fall in love with one.”

His smile was bitter as he removed her hand gently. “Did you not? Who did you think I was, then?”

“I didn’t think you were this,” she said desperately. “Not cruel. Not cold. Not anymore.”

“Oh Alina,” he chided. “I am nothing if not true to my nature. And I will not be remembered as a monster by those who want to take back what belonged to them. You may call it coldness, but I am simply preparing for what I have to do. You may call it cruelty, but I call it justice. And I will have justice if I have to destroy everything in my path to find those who started this. I will bring the world to its knees. And I will do it with a smile on my face and a song in my heart.” 

He turned to walk away from her, finished.

“Killing people won’t bring her back,” Alina said so quietly that she wasn’t sure he heard her.

But Aleksander’s head jerked up at her words. He turned back to her, his eyes bleak. “No,” he said slowly. “It will not bring her back.” 

Then the corners of his mouth lifted in what could almost be called a smile. “But it will bring me more pleasure than anything in all my centuries of living.”

She clenched her hands into fists, light spearing out from between her knuckles towards the ground. “You know I’m not going to let that happen.”

“I know that I have planned for your naïve ideas of rebellion and I know how you will try to interfere. Do not stand in my way, Alina. Do not think I will not hurt you in this process. I will do whatever I must.”

“And I will do whatever _I_ must to stop you,” she said bitterly. “If it is the last thing I do on this earth, I will stop you.”

“You will try,” Aleksander said, his smile almost soft with love in the moment before his face hardened again.

And then he was gone.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends and readers! As I head into the final lap of this marathon, I wanted to give a gentle reminder that the tags are the tags, and there will be some death and a boatload of angst. I completely understand if that’s not something you want to see, but I really do appreciate all of you who stuck with this fic trilogy. There’s still action and adventure (and yes even some smut) left to go that I’m looking forward to sharing. Thank you again for reading. I really do appreciate it.

Alina stared after Aleksander’s retreating back and the door that closed behind him. A wave of despair rolled through her as she tried to think of what to do. If their conversation was anything to go by, she was losing him as thoroughly as she had lost her daughter. Thinking of the consequences if she didn’t act, she steeled herself to do whatever she needed to do. No matter how much it killed her to do it.

Some part of her wanted to to roll over and give up in the face of his certainty. But she couldn’t give in. Not on this.

Turning to her bedroom, she started packing a bag of her own. She wouldn’t need much to follow him. A heavier _kefta_ than the one she currently wore went into the bag. She might have need of it if she was out on the open sea, and it was obvious he would have to go by sea to get to Kerch. 

She would also need to find a ship that could overtake him and fight alongside her if it came to that. Luckily, she knew just who to ask.

Having one other thought, she knelt down and opened a trunk filled with various objects. Her fingers reached out to the largest parcel wrapped in a cloth covering. She unwrapped it and gazed down onto the glove with its different mirrors that David had made for her so long ago. What would happen if she took it and used it now? It would slice through bodies and slice through a rival ship itself if she used it correctly.

It would be a declaration of war against the one she loved.

Carefully, she replaced it in the trunk. That wasn’t her. That wasn’t what she wanted for either herself or for Aleksander. She would think of another way that didn’t result in the same kind of tragedy that had befallen her daughter. Another way that didn’t result in more lives lost than necessary. An idea was coming to her that she didn’t like but that she refused to shy away from.

Pushing it to the side, she rose and hurried from the room and out the door of her chambers. Her two guards had to hurry to keep pace with her, but she needed every moment she could find. There was no time to lose if she was going to catch up with Aleksander. Following a series of corridors, she arrived outside of a door flanked by two Ravkan soldiers.

“Wake your king and queen. I need to speak to them,” she ordered abruptly.

The Ravkan guards glanced at each other before coming to full attention, and one opened the door to slip inside the room. Nikolai appeared a few moments later. It was obvious he’d pulled on his clothes as quickly as possible. He looked rumpled and groggy enough that she would perhaps have smiled if the situation wasn’t so dire.

“Alina?” he rasped. “It’s the middle of the night. What is it?”

“Something’s happened. I need to speak with you and Zoya. Right now.”

His eyes sharpened to instant wakefulness. “Come in, then.”

Alina entered the room and found Zoya walking out of their bedroom, tying a robe closed around her.

“This had better be good, Sun Summoner,” she groused. “I need my beauty sleep.”

Alina wasted no time. “The Darkling is gone. He’s moving against the Kerch as we speak.”

Nikolai and Zoya were silent for a moment, but their eyes spoke volumes. 

“You knew he would do something,” Alina murmured, understanding that they were both on the same page.

Nikolai nodded. “It seemed that he must be plotting to start something. There was no way he would let an attack against your daughter stand without getting some kind of revenge. Or worse.”

Zoya broke in. “How much of a head start does he have?”

“He just left,” Alina said, her desperation mounting again. “I need your help. He plans to start a war that will ravage the entire world, and I can’t let him do that.”

“We’re with you, Alina," Nikolai promised. “But I’m sure he’s been planning this for the past several days. Did he tell you anything of those plans?”

Alina nodded. “He told me he intends to tear the world open into a new Shadow Fold and let it swallow Kerch. I don’t know the details of how he’ll do that, but we can’t waste a moment if we’re going to stop this.”

“If he told you what he intends, then he knows we’ll come after him.” Nikolai paused, obviously thinking through possible stratagems. “He’ll have Grisha alongside him who are loyal to him, of course. But you have your own allies. Genya and David. Tolya and Tamar. We need to gather them and get moving before he gets too much of a lead on us.”

“Whoever his Squaller may be, they will have the full force of his power as an amplifier,” Zoya pointed out. “Their ship will be moving fast.”

Alina’s heart sank. She hadn’t thought of that.

Zoya saw her downcast expression and tossed her hair back haughtily over her shoulder. “Lucky for you, I’m the most powerful Squaller alive with my own amplifier. We can catch them.”

“What we do when we find them is another matter entirely,” Nikolai pointed out. “You may need to be prepared to do things you don’t want to do if you’re going to stop him.”

Alina nodded. “I’ll find a way. For now, I want to call together everyone we might need.”

“Be vague,” Nikolai warned. “There will likely be spies in the palace. Who knows what measures he’s put in place to stop you from following him. We’ll need to find a ship, as well, but we may need to risk taking whatever we can find that’s docked in the harbor and ready to go.”

That made sense, and Alina composed a vague message in her head to send to the generals and her friends about meeting in the War Room as soon as possible. 

“I also want to call together the high-ranking military command,” she said “They may have ideas of how to gain the advantage.”

“Are there those you trust more than others?” Zoya asked.

Alina frowned. “I think so. But I can’t be sure. Better to call them all and assume some will give us faulty information.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Alina,” Nikolai warned. “But perhaps you should get the lay of the land to see who is loyal to you and who is loyal to the Darkling.” 

She nodded as Nikolai opened the door and spoke to the four guards stationed outside. Alina gave them the names of those of her friends she wanted to see and who to contact to gather the military command.

When the trio arrived at the War Room after Zoya and Nikolai dressed fully, everyone they’d called had been gathered together. Most of the men and women were watchful, and the confused looks on several faces reflected their surprise at seeing the monarchs of Ravka beside their queen with no sign of their king. A few others looked at her with speculation in their eyes as if they already knew what she had called them together for. These she decided to keep a close eye on.

Tamar, Tolya, Genya, and David stood side by side around the center table while the commanders and generals clustered in a separate group around it. The giant map on the table’s surface held a variety of pieces to represent the different nations and their forces as well as ships on the sea. It reminded her of the game Aleksander had showed her he was playing. The game he was playing with countless people’s lives.

Nikoali pulled her aside when they cleared the doorway. “Tread carefully, Alina,” he muttered. “I don’t trust these people to be entirely loyal to you. You may end up locked in your room with no way out or worse if you’re not careful. We can leave right now and take one of Ravka’s ships if one is ready.”

Alina shook her head. “I have to give my people the benefit of the doubt. They may be able to help.”

Nikolai frowned, but he didn’t gainsay her.

She joined Tamar and and Tolya a moment later, murmuring to the twins, “Several Grisha will be missing from the palace. Can you find out who they are?”

“At once,” Tamar said, her face determined as the two left the room.

“My queen, why are we here?” asked one of the top-ranking generals. The woman’s expression shifted to disbelief as Alina laid out the bare bones of her conversation with Aleksander.

“We need to devise a plan quickly,” Alina said. “I want recommendations on which of the Navy’s ships to take and for each of you to keep an eye on your forces for deserters to the king’s cause. If necessary, I’ll rely on you to take charge of the ground forces when I return.”

If she returned, Alina thought grimly. It all depended on how their sea chase proceeded.

“With all due respect, my queen,” another general interrupted with a patronizing smile. “I don’t think you have the authority or the experience to command us away from the king. He is the tested military commander, and perhaps you ought to trust his judgement in this matter.” Some nodded while others looked incensed at his words.

Alina fixed the general with a stare perfected after years of ruling. She held up a hand to make sure her allies couldn’t come to her rescue before she spoke on her own behalf. 

“General,” she began. “ _I_ am the one who won this country for us, and I will be the one who has a say in where it goes and what it does. Ruling falls to me since your king isn’t here. If you don’t like that fact, then you can leave.” Her voice was stern, and for a moment it seemed as if she might sway the entire room. Then with a mutinous look, the general turned on his heel and left without a word. He was followed a moment later by a trail of other men and women.

Alina’s heart fell as she watched them go. She had been sure that some of those commanders would support her. And now there was already division—Grisha against Grisha. It would only grow worse as she did her best to stand against Aleksander. At least their mutiny had been a silent one. 

Those who remained in the room gathered together tighter around the table to give advice on an assault at sea, and some suggested the names of fast ships. But Alina’s heart sank as she realized she couldn’t really trust any of them. Although they had sworn themselves to her cause by staying, she still felt uneasy just as Nikolai had been. 

The one thing they could all agree on was the fact that she had to succeed by some kind of maneuver at sea before Aleksander reached his target. It was the only way.

Once it became clear that their wisdom had been exhausted, Alina dismissed the remaining members of the military command. She looked to the few friends gathered there once the generals had filed out. Halfway through the strategy session, Tolya and Tamar had returned. She turned to them now.

“Who is missing?” she asked, her voice terse.

“Ivan, of course,” Tamar said. “Also a few Inferni and a young Squaller named Aleko.”

“He’s powerful,” Tolya interjected. “He has the best record of our Grisha for driving ships out to sea.”

“They’ll be fast then,” Nikolai mused. “What route will they take?” He looked to Alina. “You know the Darkling best. What sense do you get? Will he want speed or will he want to trick us with some kind of subterfuge?”

Alina considered for a moment. “He knows we’ll pursue him at all costs. I think he’d take the fastest route, and that means a straight shot across the sea.”

“Even if he didn’t go that way, we would want to take it anyway to get there first,” Zoya pointed out. “If we arrive before him, we can block the way—perhaps even before the Kerch get wind of what’s going on.”

It was a sound plan, Alina thought, if a little sparse on the details of what they would actually do if and when they caught up to him.

“What can David and I do?” Genya asked. “Do you want us to come with you?”

Alina shook her head. “No. I need you for another reason,” Her smile was tinged with sadness. “I wish you could be with us, Genya, but you have to keep everything running here like you always do. I trust you to keep any military members from taking over while we’re gone.” She turned to David. “David, I need you to do something for me.”

She gathered Genya and David to her to speak in private for a few moments, earning confused looks from the others.

“Are you certain, Alina?” Genya asked quietly, her eyes worried.

“I’m sure,” Alina said, although her heart fluttered and ached.

“We’ll be back, then.” Genya said, and she and David left the room quickly.

“Meet us at the stables,” Nikolai called after them. “We’ll leave right away to find a ship.”

Alina turned to Tolya and Tamar. “We have to equal the opposition. You two could counter Ivan, but we need a few Inferni. Would you track down Stigg and Raelyn? They’re from Fjerda and Ravka, so they should be trustworthy. I don’t want to take any others just in case.”

The twins nodded and left the room to gather the final members of their small force.

“Let’s go,” Alina told Zoya and Nikolai as the room emptied.

Their walk to the stables went uninterrupted. The groom on night duty woke his fellows who began to saddle enough horses to carry them to Os Kervo. Alina couldn’t help but notice Aleksander’s midnight stallion was nowhere to be seen. When Genya and David appeared in the stable door, Alina went to meet them there.

Genya hesitated before holding her hand out. “Promise me you’ll use this only if you have no other choice,” she said as she pressed a small vial into Alina’s hand.

“I promise,” Alina said, taking it gingerly. “If we’re at that point, there will be nothing else I can do.”

“Take this as well, then, Genya said as she handed Alina a small sewing kit. At her curious glance, the Tailor replied, “You’ll need to hide it. I think sewn into your _kefta_ hem or sleeve would be best.”

Alina nodded, slipping the items into her pocket.

“Saints be with you, Alina,” Genya said, throwing her arms around her as if she’d never see her again.

Alina returned the hug. “Thanks, Genya. You too.” Then she climbed up onto Kiri, joining the others who were ready to ride.

\---------

The journey to Os Kervo took several hours, but they made good time despite the darkness thanks to Alina sending light ahead of her in bright rays that lit up the night. It was dawn when they reached the shipyards of Os Kervo and stabled their horses at The Mermaid’s Tail. The sight of the inn sent a pang through Alina’s heart at the thought of how all of this had begun there. Nikolai interrupted her somber memories.

“I’ve sent a messenger to one of my captains who has a ship berthed in the harbor. He should be ready shortly, and they’ll have enough supplies since they were stocking up here before heading towards the Wandering Isle on a trade mission.”

Alina nodded. Nikolai looked like he wanted to say something more but wasn’t sure if he should say it.

“What is it?” she prompted him.

He sighed, then looked at her point blank. “If you want to stop the Darkling, we may need to make some hard decisions, Alina. He’s more powerful than anyone I’ve ever known. Besides you, anyway. We’ll need to base our strategy on protecting you at all costs, because I don’t think we can respond if he manages to hurt or capture you. You’re our one shot at taking him down if we need to. And it sounds like we’ll need to.”

Alina’s heart sank at his words, but she returned his hard gaze. “I’ll do whatever I have to do to end this, but you know I also have to try everything I can to make him see reason.” She paused, her voice helpless. “I love him, Nikolai.”

“I know you do,” Nikolai said, his face softening into a sad smile. “But you may have to be ready to let go of the things you love if you want to save all those who need rescuing.”

Alina nodded, her thoughts dark and cloudy, but still filled with a few rays of hope. There must be time to think of a way to convince him to follow her lead as she’d once done so many years ago when she’d convinced him not to expand the Fold. She had to believe he wasn’t so far gone that she couldn’t bring him back. And if it came to it...well. She fingered the vial in her pocket and hoped she’d never have call to use it.

Zoya rejoined Nikolai and Alina. “The messenger has returned,” she said. “We set sail as soon as we reach the dock.”

Nikolai faced Alina squarely. “You can do this,” he said with a confidence she didn’t feel, but she nodded and followed his lead toward the sounds of the sea.

She wondered as she left the inn if she would ever return to see this country she had built. Everything she was leaving behind seemed to call out to her to stay: the palace, the friends she’d left behind, Lada's empty tomb. But she refused to look back. There was only the way forward to whatever came next. She knew whatever she found there, it would be dark. But then—one way or another—there would come the light.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ok. I’m going to level with you that I’m trying something new out with these final chapters. If you’re in this for a happy ending, do not despair! If you’re in this for the angst, feel free to continue to despair because that’s fun too! I can’t give details of course, but I’ll be doing something I’ve never done before, and we’ll see if it actually works…

Climbing on board Nikolai and Zoya’s ship stirred a sickening sense of déjà vu in Alina’s heart. She remembered how not so long ago it had been she, Lada, and Aleksander who had begun the ship voyage that had started all of this. The voyage that had started their downfall. Pausing to look back at Os Kervo, she felt a rejection of that thought roll through her. No. That hadn’t been the beginning of Aleksander’s descent into ambition, greed, and violence. That had always been a part of him, festering below the surface alongside their love and his gentleness with her and their daughter. Now it was out in the open, and her wounded heart could scarcely stand it.

But she had to be strong and recognize what she needed to be willing to do. What she might _have_ to do for the sake of thousands. Possibly hundreds of thousands if it all went wrong.

She turned away from the last sight of land stretching away behind them and made her way to Nikolai’s side. Captain Ivanov of the Ravkan fleet stood with him, although he quickly bowed to Alina and took his leave to see to the manning of the ship as it began to navigate out of the harbor. Zoya stood at the prow, her hands raised in the air as she guided the winds in a steady gust through the ship’s white canvas sails.

Nikolai’s gaze tracked Zoya as he said, “The _Bystro Veter_ is the fastest ship we have. It won’t be long until we catch them.”

Alina nodded. “Aleko may be a good Squaller, but he’s no match for Zoya even with an amplifier.”

“You think the Darkling will be using his power on him in that way?” Nikolai asked.

“Wouldn’t you?” Alina countered.

“If I was him, I would be taking any advantage I could,” he agreed. “That could mean anything with the Darkling. Do you have a sense of what he might throw at us? This ship is fast, but that’s because I traded guns for speed.”

Alina thought for a moment. “I don’t know, but we’re evenly matched when it comes to the other Grisha.” She paused. “The Darkling and I have never fought each other. Not really. I have no idea how it will go, whether for us or against us.”

“Then let’s hope you get the upper hand,” Nikolai said, and his tone was grim.

She understood why. Everything rode on her shoulders when it came to the man she loved. She reached into her pocket to toy with the vial Genya had given her. She drew it out and murmured to Nikolai. “I need to go take care of this.”

He gave her a resigned look. “If you have to.”

“I do. It may be our only chance if worst comes to worst.”

The ship rocked under Alina’s feet as she made her way below the deck and into the hold. Once there, she sat on a crate below the warm, buttery glow of a lantern hanging above her and took the contents her fingers touched out of her pocket. She placed them before her on her lap and breathed out a long sigh at the sight of them. Steeling her nerves, she took up the sewing kit Genya had given her when they parted ways. She slid a needle out of the kit before beginning to pick at the seam on the cuff of her _kefta_ ’s sleeve. Making a small hole, she took up the tiny vial of clear liquid in her hand and slid it into the space she had created. Her hands were as steady as she could make them when she sewed it back up into her sleeve, leaving the end of the thread relatively loose so it could be unraveled if need be.

With that task finished, the only thing left to do was to wait and think of all the ways this voyage could go badly. And even if they did manage to win, she wasn’t sure what would happen next. Would she take Aleksander prisoner? Could she bear to lock him up for some unimaginable length of time? Would he grow to hate her for that or respect her for her ruthlessness? It was impossible to say. Perhaps one or both of them would die when they finally faced each other. She turned away from that thought. It was too grim, and she made her mind purposefully blank, playing her fingers over the slight lump in her sleeve.

Alina scooted farther back on her seat and leaned her head against the stacked crate behind her. It already felt like far too long since she had slept. She thought of Aleksander’s taunt that she had spent too much time sleeping and grieving and that those acts were what had given him an advantage. But it was too late now to chastise herself for giving into her sorrow even if she could regret it. Which she didn’t. Her eyelids slid closed, and she dozed fitfully as she thought of the pattering of small feet running along marble halls and dark hair streaming in the wind. After some time, she felt someone shake her arm with urgency.

“Alina,” Nikolai’s voice came to her. “We’ve spotted them. It’s time.”

Alina tried to push the muzziness out of her mind to think of the task at hand. There would be no room for error in what was to come. As she followed Nikolai up the hold steps, she slid her hand along the smooth wood of the wall beside her before dropping her arm and clenching her hand into a fist.

Aleksander was prepared for a fight. And she would give him one.

The hazy grey of twilight had draped itself over the sky when she stepped outside, and her eyes adjusted from the dimness of the hold enough to see the dark blot on the horizon drawing ever closer. It was a ship, there was no doubt about that, and Zoya increased her winds flowing around them with the greatest concentration on the sails to push them at an unnatural clip towards their target.

“What if it isn’t him?” Zoya asked without lowering her arms from her task. The hem of her blue _kefta_ swirled in the breeze.

“It’s him,” Alina said. She could feel it deep in her bones that he lay before her as if he were a lodestone and she the needle spearing towards him—always drawing near to him in whatever way she could as he waited and plotted. And it did seem as if they were catching up to the other ship surprisingly fast. Zoya began to conserve her strength, slowing the winds, but it was clear the other vessel wasn’t moving as fast as it had been before.

So Aleksander wanted to face his opponents instead of fleeing. That was so very like him, Alina thought. How else would he have it? His pride was everything to him, and if he had the opportunity to crush the resistance of Alina and her allies, then he would take it.

“How should we do this?” she asked Nikolai. Alina considered herself a good tactician by this point, but that was on the ground. Nikolai thrived on the sea. He’d proved that in his time as Sturmhond.

“We’ll meet them head first if possible,” Nikolai said. “Then I’ll have the ship run alongside them to their starboard side. That will get us close enough for you all to use your powers. We’ll just have to hope he’s relying on fighting with his crew’s abilities in the same way instead of using cannon.”

Alina didn’t worry on that score. If Aleksander had the opportunity to prove his superiority through Grisha power and skill, then he would take it.

“He’ll bring darkness into play,” she confirmed as they drew ever closer to their quarry. Or were _they_ the quarry? It was hard for her to tell at this moment who had the upper hand as Aleksander now lay in wait for them. His ship’s anchor must have been down, because Alina and her comrades now hurtled toward the other vessel.

Nikolai startled her out of her observations as he said, “It’s almost night now. Just be careful that you don’t open us to attack too easily by lighting our ship up directly. That may make us and the crew easy targets to pick out for attack.”

She nodded, grimacing. Her light wasn’t usually a liability, but Nikolai was right in this case. She would have to me careful with how she used her power.

Zoya pulled the winds back, and their momentum drove them forward just enough to come alongside Aleksander’s ship thanks to the skill of Nikolai’s crew members. Alina could see the determined faces of her foes, and the man she loved stood at the head of them all. 

Aleksander saw her in exchange. She could make out the arch of his eyebrows as if pleased she’d come for him. But something on his face said he didn’t believe she stood a chance of actually winning. The expression strengthened her resolve. He would soon see just what she could do.

Stretching his arms out before him, Aleksander brought his hands together in a resounding clap, and a spill of darkness rushed to expand throughout the air. Alina had just enough time to see Nikolai and Zoya swallowed by the inky blackness. Then Tolya and Tamar were gone along with Stigg and Raelyn. Her entire Grisha cohort were blinded, and Alina knew they would be targets for fire and wind as soon as she dared to light up the darkness. But she refused to be a threat that was so easily nullified.

As the darkness washed over her, she lashed out with a wave of light as strong as she ever had used before without relying on _merzost_. She dug deep and pushed the light from the tips of her toes into her fingertips, so that it shot from her palms and out into the air. The light obliterated the darkness. It lit up both the ships and the sky itself until it seemed to be neither night nor the natural twilight, but instead bright midday on a summer afternoon. Warmth shimmered through the air, and Alina could see Aleksander’s face again once her eyes adjusted. His features were more serious now, his mouth tightening at her show of defiance.

The others blinked and shook off the effects of her radiance. As Aleksander and Alina began to push at each other’s defenses, her friends began to take the offensive themselves. Hands lifted and Grisha powers sped through the air, targeting Aleksander and Alina at first, but soon settling into similar powers clashing together.

Zoya sent air blasting at young Aleko on the other ship, who redirected it upwards in a quick gesture. Raelyn and Stigg shot their flames at Aleksander’s Inferni, whom Alina didn’t know. The other Inferni shot forward a blossoming firewall that halted Raelyn and Stigg’s attack in its tracks. Tolya and Tamar’s faces twisted in concentration as they fought Ivan, each clenching their fists as they tried to drop and increase blood pressure and explode the other’s heart.

Alina realized that what surrounded her was the embodiment of like calling to like. She couldn’t let herself become distracted when facing her own enemy, though, and she doubled down on her concentration as she shoved against Aleksander’s shadows. His power lashed out at her, constantly spinning and circling around her ankles and waist as he tried to drive his shadows up her body to blind her with his darkness.

Zoya gave a cry of frustration and triumph as a wash of clouds sped to cover them. Rain lashed down from the clouds so swiftly it practically drove itself sideways. It was the storm instead of the darkness that finally did blind Alina as the cold droplets bludgeoned her face and ran into her eyes. She would have cursed Zoya for breaking her concentration, but she knew the rain would help to douse the Inferni flames that threatened to overtake each ship if the firestorms taking place down the ship’s deck somehow got out of control.

She dared to let her eyes flick to the Heartrenders. Ivan’s face looked strained as Tolya and Tamar took a step forward together. The twins’ fists twisted in coordinated motion, and blood began to stream from Ivan’s nose. Where before they had seemed at an impasse, now the tide of battle seemed to be swinging Alina’s way.

She knew Nikolai probably refused to sit out the battle, but she didn’t know where he was until he stepped to her side. From the corner of her eye, she could see his arm rising as he lifted one of his guns. He was pointing the weapon at Aleksander. Alina hoped Nikolai intended to aim for the shoulder as they'd agreed upon. It would ensure a swift victory if Aleksander lost the use of his arm.

But what if Nikolai missed?

Alina’s concentration faltered at that thought. But instead of feeling Aleksander’s power overtake her as she dimly expected, her own power shot forward without resistance. The area around the ships blazed up in bright light. Her attention snapped to his face, and it shocked her to see him pull a weapon of his own from his _kefta_ pocket and raise it in front of him. She couldn’t remember ever seeing him rely on a gun before. 

It could only mean he’d planned on Nikolai’s presence. Everything felt as if it had been rehearsed by Aleksander already, and sounds and sights within Alina’s mind were growing deathly quiet and slowing down. She didn’t know what to do now in the face of their standoff.

Before she could send a pulse of light into Aleksander’s eyes, twin cracks rent the air. Alina felt a scream build as she saw Aleksander recoil and felt Nikolai crash into her. The weight of a body drove her to the deck, and she struggled to get out from under what she recognized as Nikolai’s dead weight. She staggered to her feet and looked down, searching to see where he’d been injured. 

Aleksander’s aim had been true. He’d almost shot Nikolai through the heart. 

Alina gasped as she watched the blood gushing from the wound. Nikolai’s face was very pale as his mouth opened and closed without sound. She could only stare in horror before finding her voice.

“Tolya!” she screamed, and the big man appeared at her side in an instant. Dimly, Alina knew Tamar wouldn’t be able to hold her own against Ivan without her twin, but she had to risk her safety and trust that her friend could handle herself. Perhaps the Heartrender’s skills could keep her opponent at bay long enough for Tolya to help Nikolai.

The rain whipped through the air even harder when Zoya lunged to reach the three of them. Alina couldn’t hear the words Zoya shouted towards Aleksander, but she recognized the pattern of hands raising and the smell of ozone filling the air. 

Zoya intended to call lightning.

A cry burst from Alina’s chest as she staggered forward and shoved the other woman’s shoulder, almost knocking her to the ground. It was enough to disrupt Zoya’s attention, and the lightning crackled across the sky in a mighty bolt instead of shooting downward to strike Aleksander.

Suddenly, the rain began to slow as the wind came to a halt. Zoya crouched down at Nikolai’s side before glaring up at Alina. “You did this,” her expression seemed to say. And even though Alina knew she was wrong on that score, it still hurt.

“Stop.” 

The word resounded through the air, borne forward with a pure force of will behind it that could only be drawn from long centuries of command. 

Alina looked across the gap between the two ships and saw Aleksander standing at the ship’s railing. One arm hung at his side, and Alina could see that he’d been injured as well, but he’d lifted the other arm into the air. The Grisha loyal to Aleksander ceased fighting immediately and stood at attention. Her friends looked to her in response.

Alina nodded, and Stigg and Raelyn’s fires died down. Meanwhile, Tamar dropped to her knees on the deck, holding her chest with both hands as if reassuring herself her heart was still intact. On the other ship, Ivan wiped a hand across his face, smearing the blood that still ran down it into a grisly mask.

It was a strange tableau as they all waited to see what Aleksander had to say. Nikolai’s harsh and reedy breathing was the only thing to fill the silence as the rain ceased to patter on the boards of the deck.

“We need a Healer,” Zoya yelled into the silence, and a crew member stepped forward. It must have been the ship’s medic, but the paleness of his face told them all he was not prepared to deal with the ragged, bleeding crater in Nikolai’s chest.

“Can you do it? Can you heal him?” Alina asked in a low voice.

The Healer shook his head. “It is beyond my skill,” he whispered.

At those words, Zoya made a desperate sound low in her throat.

“In need of something, Alina?” Aleksander’s calm, even amused voice drifted across the space between them. She looked up and saw a Healer had hold of his arm, bending her head and concentrating on a wound that didn’t seem to be bothering him overly much. 

“If you are worried about the king, I brought the best Healer in Os Kervo along with me. Just say the word and her talents are yours. Perhaps between the Healers and your Heartrenders, he may yet be saved.”

Alina gritted her teeth. Could he have planned every step of this battle? How was she to know he had such proficiency with a gun? One more thing he had perfected down the centuries, she supposed.

“That looks like a nasty wound,” he continued. “Lethal. I would hate to see Ravka’s king bleed out on that deck in front of us.” He cocked his head as if to gauge her reaction. “You could save him, Alina. All you have to do is agree to come to me.”

Alina drew in a breath. This. This was what he’d intended all along — to remove her from the board. To knock her piece off the table and open the way for him to mow down his opposition. 

And there was absolutely nothing she could do about it. Not on this ship, at least.

She straightened slowly. “Alright. I’ll do it.” She lifted a hand at his small smile of victory, and her voice was firm. “I’ll do it—but only if you come over here and act as an amplifier to your Healer. Nikolai has to live, or there’s no deal.”

Aleksander inclined his head. “Fair enough,” he said before gesturing to his crew members. They lowered a boat into the water, and Aleksander boarded it alongside the Healer and a handful of other Grisha before being rowed the short distance to Alina’s ship. When he reached their vessel, it took him a few moments to climb up the side and swing his leg nimbly over the edge of the rail. His cohort of Grisha began to board directly behind him, and they ranged themselves around Aleksander in a protective stance.

Alina glanced quickly to Zoya whose face was stark white as Nikolai lay in her arms. At first, she wondered if she could trust the Squaller not to go on the offensive somehow, but then a small pained sound from Nikolai drew everyone’s attention. His lips and cheeks were pale from blood loss, and it seemed like a miracle from the Saints that he was still breathing. It was likely less a miracle and more to do with both Tolya and Tamar holding his heart steady and slowing its pumping while their less-capable healer frantically held his hands over the wound to keep Nikolai’s lifeblood from draining away.

The Healer from Os Kervo hurried to Nikolai’s side, pushing her way through the Grisha guards. Their own Healer ceded his place to her with obvious relief as she rested her hands on the wound that spread blood across Nikolai’s chest and across Zoya’s hands where she held him. 

Alina knelt across from them, watching Aleksander take his place standing behind the Healer. It looked like his own wound had been a mere graze along his shoulder that the Healer had already taken care of. Reaching out, he rested his bare hand on her neck below where her hair was pinned up. She sighed and her eyes widened as she lost herself in what Alina knew from experience to be the ecstasy from the rush of power Aleksander elicited as an amplifier.

He dropped his eyes to look down at Nikolai with a blank expression as if remorseless about what he’d done, and he most likely truly was remorseless. Alina knew he had never grown close to Nikolai and Zoya as she had, seeing them as a means to an end in keeping their kingdom safe from any Ravkan interference. Looking at him now, distracted and unable to reach for his destructive powers, made it seem like the perfect opportunity to capture him. Alina could see Tolya and Tamar out of the corner of her eye, and the look the twins shared between them made her realize she wasn’t the only one to be thinking along those lines. 

As if he could read their minds, Aleksander raised his eyes to Alina’s face and gave her a dry smile as he ordered softly to the Healer, “Should anyone interfere with us, I want you to drain the blood right out of him.”

Zoya began to tremble with rage, and she was more beautiful in her fury than ever before. She glared at Alina. “I could have ended this,” she spat. The only thing Alina could do was look away. There was no way she could meet Zoya’s eyes in that moment.

“And then your king would be dead,” Aleksander pointed out, a note of condescending amusement returning to his voice. 

Zoya looked as if she was thinking about striking him down no matter the consequences. But she just gathered Nikolai closer to her and stared down into his pale face.

Alina felt guilt roil through her. It could have been over, yes. But she couldn’t yet bring herself to lose her own love. Not that way. Not until she’d tried everything she could to pull him back from the line he was so set on crossing.

The Healer closed her eyes and began to hum slightly as if reveling in the feeling of Aleksander’s power as she knit together flesh and bone, generating blood to replace what had been lost. After long minutes, it began to look like the color was seeping back into Nikolai’s face, and his expression relaxed. Zoya closed her eyes and gripped his shoulders even tighter as the tension eased from her shoulders.

Aleksander’s voice broke the silence. “That’s enough,” he said sharply, and he withdrew his hand, making the Healer’s eyes snap open and her hands jerk back from Nikolai’s wound. It wasn’t completely healed, and blood still leaked down his shirtfront.

Aleksander glanced at Zoya, his expression as disinterested in whether Nikolai lived or died as a winter storm would have been.

“He’ll live,” he said abruptly, “but I do not want you getting any ideas about returning to the fight just yet.” He turned to Tolya and Stigg. “Carry him to the hold. The rest of you on deck will join them.”

All eyes turned to Alina, seeking orders or something that belayed Aleksander’s command. She nodded her head stiffly, and her people along with Aleksander's Healer began to trudge towards the hold’s doorway before descending into its dark depths. One of his Grisha followed them and shut the wooden door behind them before setting his hands to the metal lock that held it fast. Alina watched the metal twist and fuse together as the Fabrikator did his work.

“You can’t just leave them locked in there,” she insisted.

Aleksander smirked. “I have no doubt they’ll escape eventually, but not before we have a substantial lead.” He gestured toward the side of the ship and to their boat in the water below. “After you.”

Alina glared at him, letting her helplessness wash out of her and transform into anger. Taking a deep breath, she set out for the rail to climb down to his vessel. He trailed behind her, and for the first time as she climbed down into the boat, she felt true despair.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think we all deserve some Darklina smut. Yep. That's exactly what we need right now ;) Thank you as always for reading this fic and for commenting and leaving kudos! I just finished drafting the finale, so that should be up by next week if not sooner, then all will be revealed. I still can't believe this is almost over...

Alina found her hands tied behind her almost as soon as she climbed on board the ship. Aleksander finished tying the knots as he murmured into her ear, “I respect your abilities too much not to do this.” Something about those words soothed her anger in a way she didn’t like. He wasn’t allowed to be charming or to say things that made her feel powerful. Not now.

He led the way to his quarters at the back of the ship. They were compact, but large enough for a bed to one side and a table with chairs in the center. Maps had been spread across the table’s surface, but there was also a box off to its side with the black and white squares of a chessboard painted on top that must have held a small set inside it. Aleksander caught her looking at it.

“We could play later if you liked,” he said with something like a smile. “But first, I’m going to have to search you. I cannot trust you not to have something up your sleeve.”

Alina almost choked at his choice of words, but she forced herself to keep still as he began to slide his hands down her shoulders and arms to her waist and down her legs. His touch was gentle, and although she tried to be unfeeling as he searched her, she found herself relaxing into it despite herself. She couldn’t help but worry that he may detect the small lump sewn into her cuff, but his fingers skated down to her wrists without finding it since he seemed to be looking for an obvious weapon. She refused to breathe a sigh of relief at that stroke of luck, not wanting to appear anything but stoic at her capture.

He straightened and began to untie her hands, saying, “I must leave you alone here to see to the ship. I trust you will not do anything foolish while I am gone.”

Alina frowned, rubbing the tension out of her freed wrists. “Aren’t you worried I’ll discover some way to stop you?”

“And how would you do that exactly?” Aleksander asked as he arched an eyebrow at her suggestion.

Alina frowned, casting about for some sort of threat she could make. “I don’t know. I could always set the ship on fire.”

He laughed at that, a rich sound that ran along her skin like warm silk before shaking his head. “I do not believe you would consign a shipful of Grisha to the ocean. Let alone yourself.” He paused, a dry smile quirking his lips upwards. “And there is nothing you can do to stop my plans now that you are here. There is nowhere to go and nothing for you to do but watch what will happen. Surely you know that.”

Without waiting for a response, he turned and made his way to the door before leaving without another glance. Alina stood in place for a moment as she looked around. Finally, she stepped to the table and looked at the maps covering its surface. They confirmed what he had already told her of his plans. There were markings and notes in the margins that indicated where troop formations would take place, where shipping lanes would be disrupted, and—most damning—a line marking where he planned to open another Shadow Fold. It was right on top of the Kerch city of Ketterdam. She balled her hands into fists. He thought her helpless and beaten. She would show him the magnificent error he had made in assuming that of her.

It seemed as if it might well be hours until he appeared again, and a squall started outside as she waited. Alina continued to look around, but all she found was a trunk with a few black _kefta_ in it, and she confirmed that the box on the table did indeed hold a chess set. A stack of books rested on a shelf near the bed, and she chose one at random. It was a book collecting Ravkan poems that had been around for at least a century. For all she knew, Aleksander had known the poet.

Alina settled herself before a small Fabrikator-made window set into the side of the ship and opened the book. She tried to read the dark words about Death calling to a maiden in a tower to come down to him and be his lover. In the poem, Death sang to the maiden. He asked her to accept his embrace and come away with him into the land of the dead. Alina wondered as she read the poem if she herself had embraced Death after all when she chose Aleksander. It had been so long ago that she had reached out and drawn him back from beyond death. So long since Marena had warned her that this could happen.

Alina let her thoughts consume her as she sat before the window watching the rain lash itself against the sea. The patter of the drops made a counterpoint to the litany of words and phrases she kept rehearsing in her mind over and over. 

What could she possibly say to him to get him to see reason and to change course? There had to be magical words that would do it. If only she could think of them, then all of this would be over and they could return home together. 

If only.

Alina rested her forehead against the cold window pane and watched the water track its way down the glass. Perhaps she shouldn’t give up hope, she thought to herself. She had assumed that power was all he cared for anymore, and that he had hardened his heart against anything else. But if he wanted her here—even as his prisoner—perhaps that was a sign that she still mattered to him. Perhaps it was a sign that their relationship could be what saved him from himself just as it had when they first stood together against unbeatable odds. When he had promised her that he would let her try to build a new world for them both and for anyone who wanted to be a part of it.

After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, the sky finally grew dark, forcing Alina to keep the room lit with a warm glow from her hand. It was not long after that before a key clanked in the lock and the door swung open. Aleksander entered, dripping a trail of water behind him. He was wet to the bone and looked just as cold. As Alina watched him, he ran a hand through his dark hair, sweeping it backwards and making droplets of water fall from it like jewels in the light she now cast to fill the room.

He took in her posture leaning against the window where she had continued to read. “I am glad you found something to occupy your time,” he said with a slight smile. “Which did you choose?” As he waited for her answer, he lit a lantern and placed it on a small table next to the bed to brighten the room so she didn't have to continue to use her power. Thoughtful.

Alina hardened her heart again and shrugged. “Does it matter? I needed to distract myself from all the things I had to think about.” She fixed him with a look. “Such as worrying for my friends stuck on the ship you left stranded.”

Aleksander tapped a finger against the table’s surface, that motion the only sign of his irritation. “They are fine, Alina.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do know that, in fact. They are tailing us at a healthy distance.” His smile turned smug for a moment. “It is almost as if they know they cannot win in the face of my darkness without your light.”

“It doesn’t absolve you from what you did just because they’re finally free.” She paused. “I hope you feel some remorse. Those were your friends, too.”

He frowned at that. “I think not. I need no friends. And were I as bloodthirsty as you seem to think me to be, then I would have used the Cut to snap the main mast in half and leave them stranded in the middle of the ocean.”

As Aleksander spoke, he began to take off his sodden _kefta_ , unbuttoning the first few buttons with his long fingers that looked stiff with cold. Alina looked away. She didn’t want to be distracted from her anger and frustration by his beauty. When she found herself looking back once more against her will, it was to see the garment halfway undone and a small smile playing around his lips. He knew she appreciated his form. She couldn’t help swallowing as she watched him where he stood half naked with his skin gleaming in the lantern light. Jerking her head to look away from him once more, she closed her eyes but she could still track the sound of his movements as he drew near to her. The soft thump of his wet _kefta_ hitting the floor sounded in the air, and she knew that left him in only his underthings. She swallowed hard at the image in her mind’s eye.

Alina jumped slightly when an arm wrapped itself around her waist and Aleksander began to nuzzle his face gently into the juncture where her neck met her shoulder. The sound of his indrawn breath before he kissed her there made her eyes close tighter. She shivered at the coolness of his lips and the chill seeping into her skin where his other hand rose to meet her hip. He held her firmly in place against him, his hand tracing the upper length of her thigh as he breathed her in.

“I have missed you, Alina,” he said, his voice a low sigh against the column of her neck. “Your fire. Your warmth,” he said, punctuating each phrase with a slow open-mouthed kiss before his tongue began to trace gentle patterns along her skin. Alina couldn’t suppress the shudder of desire that sped through her at the contrast of warmth and cold, but she jerked away from him slightly.

She opened her eyes and raised a hand to play with the stray thread on her _kefta_ sleeve. “I’m not here for this,” she tried to say in a firm voice, but the words came out shaky and unsure.

“I know,” he murmured. “But let me.”

Let me. Two simple words that summed up everything between them--how he had always given her power over him, and how she had always ceded that power right back to him whenever they met together in bed.

As if he sensed her weakening resolve, he turned her in his arms to face him, and she pressed her palms to his chest. Instead of pushing him away, though, she let warm light fill her hands as she stroked his skin, warming him. He groaned in delight and the sound made heat unfurl low in her stomach. Her hands roamed along his chest, his arms, up to his neck. When she cupped his face before sliding back down to his shoulders and across his back, he murmured her name and pulled her close.

She didn’t stop him when his lips sought out hers. Instead, she reveled in the gentle kisses he pressed against her mouth, and she slowly began to respond without thinking. Perhaps it was better this way—not to think and not to take action against him. To just love him. 

Their kisses were languorous and sweet as honey. It felt like it had been so long since they had touched or come together in this way. So long since they had enjoyed this intimacy before he built the wall between them and held her at a distance.

There was no distance now, and she couldn’t hold in a small sound when his tongue began to twine with hers, stroking and cajoling her to open to him and allow him what he wanted. And in this moment it was the same thing she wanted as well. 

Aleksander began to slowly unbutton the row of buttons holding her _kefta_ closed, and his thumbs stroked her skin as he loosed each one. The feeling of his touch moving so deliberately from her throat to her clavicle to gentle teasing between her breasts was intoxicating. This was different than usual. Fucking Aleksander was always an intense and consuming act where it felt like they were starved for each other despite the years they’d been together.

This was different. It was longing and the need for acceptance. It was as much a need to share his grief as it was a plea to be wanted and loved. Alina didn’t know if he had ever made himself this vulnerable to her. It was intoxicating, and she felt her arousal growing even as her love for him blossomed above the anger and fear for what he intended in the coming days.

When he reached the buttons at her waist, he raised his hands up to her shoulders and slid the fabric off and down her arms. The _kefta_ slid down the length of her body like a caress, light as butterfly wings. Alina shivered from the sensation.

“Cold?” he whispered, rubbing his hands slowly up and down the bare skin of her hips.

She shook her head, and he smiled when she moved her hands to unclasp and remove the fabric binding her breasts. Her nipples hardened in the cool air, and he raised a hand to cup one of her breasts. His thumb played against the stiffened peak, and she couldn’t hold in a whimper. His eyes were dark and she could have drowned in the black depths of them.

Returning to her hips once more, he pushed her silken underwear down. It glided along her skin, and a moment later she stood naked before him. Before she could feel too vulnerable, he picked her up by the waist and set her on the table that sat alongside them. 

It was easy to admit that she wanted him inside her. Now. 

Spreading her legs, she invited him to do just that. He didn’t follow her lead, though. Instead, he bent his head to kiss one of her nipples, rubbing his tongue against it before sucking it into his mouth. A sweet ache suffused her body, radiating out from the point of contact. Everything he did was so slow and gentle. The contrast to the usual way they made love confused her but intrigued her at the same time. 

As if he wanted to torment her further, he traced his fingers down her stomach until they rested against the apex of her thighs. She knew she was already wet for him, and she imagined how he would shed the rest of his clothes and slide inside of her. She felt as if she would lose her hold on reality if it didn’t happen soon. Unconcerned with her attempts to pick up the pace, he began to simply trace the tips of his fingers along the very edges of her center. 

His touch felt like it burned her. It was so good and so insufficient at the same time that she whimpered and arched her back, begging him for more friction, more speed, just more. He relented only so much as to move his fingers against her and stroke her clit. She bit down on a low cry, not wanting to be heard outside the room, but those fingers were too clever. Before long, she let loose with a long moan, and he pulled away from her breast enough so he could give a breathy laugh.

“So eager,” he said, as he straightened, lifting his glistening fingers to his mouth and running his tongue along them as he held her gaze. “And so sweet.”

Alina shivered at the look in his eyes. “Please,” she whispered. “I need you.”

His answering smile was dark. “Not quite yet,” he said as he went to his knees between her legs.

She gasped when he spread her legs wider and leaned forward to press slow kisses to where she ached for him. His tongue, so warm and firm, began to trace the path his fingers had taken. She arched once more and let out a low cry when he slid one of his long fingers inside her then joined it with another a moment later. They found a place to stroke within her that made her writhe on the table as he slid them in and out in a steady rhythm which threatened to send her over the edge. 

Alina’s moans became a long, low keening as his lips joined his tongue and he started to suck on her clit, the touch against the small bundle of nerves almost shutting her mind down with pleasure. She was left panting and gripping the table with one hand while the other gripped his hair, trying to hold him as close to her as she could. He let the tension in her build, only picking up the pace with agonizing slowness as she rocked against him, trying to bring her climax closer. It was as if he was content to stay between her legs all night if necessary to bring her to that peak. The thought brought on an orgasm that rippled gently and sweetly through her body, and she cried out as she rode the sensation to its end. 

Aleksander stood and finally rid himself of his underthings before stepping between her legs. He touched her once more, getting his fingers wet before running them over his cock until it glistened in the lamp light. The sight of it, of how aroused her orgasm had made him, sent a thrill of satisfaction through her. She felt beautiful and desired, and she wanted to show him the same care he had given her. 

Reaching out, she wrapped a hand around the back of his neck and pulled him towards her for a kiss. It was long and slow, and she gasped into his mouth when she felt him press against her entrance. He slid inside her so gently and so tenderly that it was as if he wanted her to feel all the ways he cared for her body and soul. When she opened her eyes, she found him watching her. The look in his eyes made her heart swell with feeling for him. Her love and desire exploded inside her like slow-motion fireworks, raining down warm sparks and a sense of wonder that filled her with each of his slow thrusts. She gathered him close to her and they met each other breath for breath and soon echoed each other’s gasps and moans of pleasure.

It could have gone on forever, and Alina would have happily rested in his arms until the world came to an end and the stars winked out. Ultimately, it was Aleksander who gave in as he began to increase his tempo, unable to hold himself back from what he wanted any longer. She urged him on with small sounds and gentle touches as he closed his eyes and began to lose himself in the rhythm of their joined bodies. Unwilling to tip over the edge without her coming as well, he slid a hand between them and let his fingers find her clit once more. Her body was so sensitized that it took only a few moments before she began to cry out and buck her hips helplessly against him. 

He gasped her name as he came, and she followed close behind. They held each other tightly afterwards, and Alina pressed a final kiss to his lips as Aleksander pulled away. He returned a moment later with a cloth for her to clean herself, then he pulled her towards the bed where they lay in a blissful tangle of limbs, limp and boneless after so much pleasure.

Alina turned on her side to face him, and Aleksander mirrored her posture.

“This doesn’t change anything, you know,” she said firmly.

“Doesn’t it?” he asked, his tone amused as he leaned forward to kiss her forehead.

She frowned, pulling back. “No. You know it doesn’t. I’m not just going to stop trying to get you to see reason.” 

He raised an eyebrow and quirked one side of his mouth up in a smile. “Well, I certainly enjoy your method of persuasion.” 

Alina persisted. “This isn’t a joke. You could stop this, you know. We could go home together and try to live our lives. It will be hard, but we could do it.”

Aleksander frowned at that. “But why would I stop? I have everything now.” He ran a finger in a languid motion down her neck to her shoulder and back up in a possessive and adoring gesture, making her shiver despite herself. “I have you and I have a way forward to make everything the way it should be.” 

She tried to turn from him in frustration, but he caught her face gently and titled her chin up so she met his gaze. 

“And you will come to see in time that I was right to play this game. I am willing to wait until that day comes when you admit it. You will see. It may not be today or tomorrow, but you will see. We have all the time in the world for you to realize what I am doing is what must be done.”

Alina reached up to grip his forearm, letting her nails dig into him. “I thought you were a better man than this,” she ground out.

He laughed as he shook her hand off before catching it again in his own. Then he twined their fingers together, drawing them to his mouth before kissing her knuckles softly. 

“You were wrong. I may have tried for your sake, but there is no changing what I am and what I must do.” 

He grew serious. “You know how this ends, Alina. I would rather ask for your forgiveness than ask for Lada’s by not destroying those who took her from us. There is no stopping what follows from here.”

“So you would kill thousands, perhaps hundreds of thousands?” she demanded.

He shrugged one shoulder. “Gladly, if it will bring me to my goal and ensure our people will never be faced with this kind of loss again. He paused and said slowly, “If _I_ will never know this kind of loss again…?“ He shrugged once more. “Then, yes.”

With a sigh, he lay back on the bed while still holding her hand. “You will see,” he said on a yawn. “It will be worth it.” Then he closed his eyes and drifted off into a calm sleep.

Alina’s heart sank as she watched him fall into dreams. She wondered if he dreamed of their daughter being just out of reach the way she did. 

He was the love of her life, the father of her child, the one she turned to in good times and in bad.

But he was unrepentant. He would never stop.

And that meant her course was decided. There was nothing else she could do. So she lay back on the bed and began to put her plans into motion.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, friends. I’ve never ever done this before, so we’ll see if it works, BUT… this is a “you get to decide how you want it to go” ending situation. This chapter is the ending I prefer and originally wrote, and the next chapter is a completely different ending that picks up in the same place. Why? Because we’re in a goddamn pandemic, and sometimes people need a little light (no Alina pun intended) and happiness in their lives. So it’s up to you! Read one, read both, do with them what you will. I personally think this chapter makes more narrative sense, and if you want to possibly cry buckets like I did while writing it, then go forth. But if you need that happiness, go with the next chapter and have all the hugs in the world from me if you’re having a hard time right now <3

Alina lay beside Aleksander as long as she was able before easing from the bed and getting to her feet. She stepped lightly across the floor to reach for her unbuttoned _kefta_ , pulling on her underthings before draping the fabric over her shoulders. As she buttoned the coat back up, she felt the small, subtle knock of the object in her sleeve against her wrist. It was a reminder of what she had to do—not what she wanted to do, but what she _had_ to do.

She settled herself back in the chair that looked out over the sea. Although it was dark now, she could imagine the waves lapping against the ship’s hull, and she tried to feel calmed by it as she unraveled the thread holding the sleeve closed. 

Aleksander continued to sleep, and she curled her legs under her as she watched him. He looked so deceptively peaceful when he slept. If only she could bring out that side of him when he was awake as well. It seemed as if it were far too late for that, though, and he had decided his own course long ago. Now she could only enjoy the time that remained to them.

Her eyes drifted closed at one point, and when she opened them he was propped up on an elbow watching her.

“Couldn’t sleep,” she said in explanation, and he nodded.

“I would be happy to attempt to wear you out once more,” he offered with a small, knowing smile.

The satisfaction and surety in his expression made her laugh despite herself. “Yes, your skills are unparalleled at that as we both know,” she said, and his smile broadened for a moment.

He gave a low laugh. “I would say that you bring out the best in me.”

The words sobered Alina, and her gaze was steady as she replied, “If only that were true.”

He sighed and tapped his fingers against the mattress. “Must we go over this again? I am who I am, Alina. I have had centuries to learn who that is and what I am willing to do to achieve my goals.” He raised an eyebrow. “You will learn the same lessons in time.”

Alina gave a short laugh. “I don’t think so. I would have to truly lose myself to reach the decisions you’ve made.”

His eyes cooled. “Then we will have to agree to disagree.”

Aleksander stood, and Alina considered looking away to give him some sense of privacy as he gathered his clothes from the ground. In the end, she admitted to herself that she didn’t want to. He was so beautiful. If she focused on just that, she would be able to forget the core of darkness inside of him that mirrored the darkness he commanded through his power.

She couldn’t forget who he was and what he intended to do. Not now. There was too much at stake for her to get cold feet no matter how much she wanted to pull back.

After he’d dressed, Aleksander picked up the book Alina had left discarded on the floor. “Would you care to read together?” he asked, extending an olive branch in a way he perhaps wouldn’t have when they’d first met.

“You go ahead. I’m not in the right mood.”

He shrugged as if to say “suit yourself” and opened the book to the page where she had left off. “One of my favorites,” he commented before he bent his head over the text and seemed to lose himself in it.

Alina couldn’t help but admire the sooty lashes that almost brushed his cheeks and the long fingers idly turning the pages of his book, and for a moment she raged against her destiny. After a while, a knock sounded at the door and they both raised their heads when Aleksander said, “Enter.”

It was Ivan, someone Alina would have been happy to never see again—let alone in her current state—but of course he was here. Where Aleksander went, so went his most faithful of Grisha. He bowed perfunctorily, nominally to both of them but mostly to his king. Alina was unsurprised at that.

“You asked to be alerted when the moon was at its highest,” Ivan said without preamble.

“I did. Let the crew know we’ll be preparing to slide through the Kerch defenses by this time tomorrow. And send a few crew members with a late dinner.”

Ivan bowed again. “At once.” His eyes skipped over Alina in her chair, and she didn’t think she imagined the satisfaction on his face at her capture when he turned to go. She gritted her teeth in response.

Aleksander rose and turned to the table, gathering the maps strewn about its surface and rolling them up before placing them in the nearby trunk. When two crew members entered a few minutes later, they brought twin plates, cutlery, and a bottle with them and set the items on the empty table before bowing and taking their leave.

Aleksander caught Alina’s eye and gestured to the chairs once he had arranged them across from each other. She joined him but had to stifle a laugh when she saw what sat before her. It was the same simple peasant food he had insisted they all eat at the Little Palace, and she shook her head to think of those old days and how young she’d been in comparison to now. She'd thought he’d hung the moon then, and while she still adored him, she knew he was fallible as any other man—perhaps more than most thanks to that damnable pride Baghra had warned her of.

He took in her amused expression. “What?”

“You never change, that’s all.”

He inclined his head. “Not in some ways, it is true.”

Alina picked up the bottle and sniffed it before wrinkling her nose. “ _Kvas_? Really? You know I hate the stuff.”

Aleksander gave a laugh of his own. “I know, but indulge me.”

“Fine. I suppose it’s better than nothing,” she sighed.

“I am glad to hear it. One moment, and we will have something to drink it out of.” 

He turned to walk to a cupboard in the corner, bending low to open it.

As he did so, Alina reached into her pocket. This was the moment she had waited for. The vial slid out into her hands, and she carefully popped its cork loose and poured the contents into the open bottle in one smooth gesture. Her hand shook slightly as the last few drops slid out and tipped into the bottle’s neck, but she stoppered the vial and placed it back in her pocket just as he closed the cabinet door.

It was done.

Aleksander turned and took the few steps back to the table before placing one of two delicate glasses in front of Alina. When he reached for the bottle, she almost laid a hand over his own to stop him. She let him go in the end and watched as he poured the contents into their glasses. He handed one of the full glasses to her, and she took it. She hesitated as he sat down next to her and raised his own glass to his lips.

“Wait,” she said, and he stopped. She took in his raised eyebrow and expectant look, the way he was so relaxed with her the way he was with nobody else. The way he trusted her. 

Her heart broke into pieces.

He trusted her, and she would repay him with betrayal. Her instincts said there was no way he could know what she’d done, but her body locked up as she tried to catch her breath. His smile started to fade, and she pulled herself together to say in as bright a voice as she could muster, “To a long future together of arguments and making amends.”

Aleksander clinked his glass against hers. As he did so, he reached out and took her other hand, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. 

“We will find a way to move past this, Alina. You will see. As I said before, there is all the time in the world.”

She almost choked on her sadness.

When she raised her glass to her lips, she hesitated once more. Aleksander looked at her. “You really don’t care for it, do you.”

Alina tried to return his smile. “I really don’t.” She didn’t want to do this, and again she almost stopped. 

He watched her, his eyes assessing as he began to slowly set his glass down. Making her decision in that split-second, she tilted the glass and swallowed a mouthful. The taste made her cough slightly.

To her relief, Aleksander raised his glass once more and took a long drink before turning to the carved and inlaid box on the table. He unfolded it into a chess board and began to take out the small ivory pieces. She watched him set up the board, and when he turned to her, the satisfied look in his eyes almost undid her. 

He thought he had everything.

Taking in her expression, he said. “You don’t want to play? We could just have dinner if that is what you wish.”

Alina paused then shook her head. “I don’t need to play,” she said slowly. “I’ve already won.”

He frowned at that. “What are you talking about?” he asked, swallowing before bringing his hand to his mouth to give a short, sharp cough.

“Sacrifice the queen, and with luck you can take out the king,” she whispered as she let her despair and numbness overtake her expression.

Aleksander gripped the table with a hand as he lowered the one he’d used to cover his mouth and gazed at the blood spattered across his palm. “What have you done?” he asked, his voice low.

Alina’s smile was sad. “What you convinced me I had to do. I reset the board.”

He met her gaze as dawning comprehension filled his eyes. “The _kvas_.”

She nodded.

Blinking, he drew in a breath and stood before turning to the door that led out onto the ship’s deck. “The Healer…”

“Your Healer is on the other ship with Nikolai and Zoya,” Alina said with a small, sad smile. “There’s nobody to help you.” She paused and amended, “To help us.”

His eyes jerked up to meet hers. “You…Do you chose to die alongside me, then.” He coughed once more, and as he raised his head, he gazed into the middle distance and let loose a long breath. “Was it worth it?” he asked grimly.

“To stop you and to save all those people?” She nodded. “You know it was.”

Aleksander clenched his fist. He looked at her so coldly. “And who will save _our_ people now that neither one of us will be there to lead them?”

Alina watched him with as neutral an expression as she could manage. “Nikolai and Zoya have already been appointed to annex the kingdom back into Ravka. It will be done as soon as they’re back on shore.”

He coughed again then shook his head. “I am impressed. You seem to have thought of everything—”

Before he could finish, he doubled over in a coughing fit, trying to catch himself on the table. Alina felt a sharp pain spear through her lungs from the poisoned drink and an even sharper pain spear through her heart at the sight of Aleksander trying to keep his feet.

He gave a shaky laugh as he bent at the waist in a small bow, holding his ribs. “I applaud you for your ruthlessness.” Wiping at the blood now trickling from the side of his mouth, he began to slide to the ground. His legs didn’t seem to be capable of holding him up anymore. 

Alina knew the feeling. She felt weak, and it was becoming harder and harder to take in a full breath without pain. 

“So,” Aleksander said, looking up at her from the ground. “This is how it ends for us.” He paused. “Perhaps it was inevitable.”

“It didn’t have to be,” Alina said, her eyes filling with tears as she watched him lean back against a table leg. She coughed, and her own hand came away with blood on it as she moved to sink down to the floor a few feet away from him.

“This is how we end,” he repeated as if to himself, his voice little more than a soft rasp this time. His head turned weakly. “You did not have to do this, Alina. If we could not have had our daughter, we could have had everything else. Everything and more.”

“I only wanted you,” Alina whispered as tears trickled down her cheeks.

“And now we have nothing.” His eyes were bleak. Alina wondered if it was fear that she saw in his eyes at the end.

“Not nothing,” she gasped, inching closer to him. “Not that.” She paused before whispering, “I love you.”

“And I loved you,” he replied after a moment as if the words were dragged out of him.

Past tense. Alina’s heartbeat seemed to fracture even more at that. “But not anymore?” she asked.

He gave a mirthless laugh, tilting his head back to look at the ceiling before turning to face her. “Now and always,” he said. “The more fool, I.” With that, he held an arm out to her, inviting her into his embrace.

She moved gratefully into it. “Now and always,” she repeated a moment later as she settled against him. But he had gone silent. His arms went around her, and she held his hands clasped at her middle. The light seemed to be getting very dim. She could just make out her hands clasped in his. Her breathing was loud in her ears.

Then he breathed her name against her hair and she felt the last brush of his lips chasing the words. Her eyes drifted closed.

Alina dimly heard the sound of Ivan shouting from what sounded like very far away. He must have sensed their heartbeats slowing. The door crashed open, and Alina felt a small smile lift the edges of her lips.

It didn’t matter. They would be far too late. Aleksander’s hands were growing cold in hers. Once upon a time, she had torn the world asunder to bring him back when she had felt his hands becoming that cold. She had brought him back from beyond death with the force of her love and her will. Now she only felt peace at what she had done. Peace that they were taking this journey together into the long dark. She didn’t want him to be alone in that. And whatever they found on the other side, they would find it hand in hand. As it should be.

She felt a great wave of weariness fall over her. She leaned backwards against Aleksander’s still form and gave herself up to the warm and comforting darkness.

And then she was gone.

***

A ship burned in the night.

Nikolai Lantsov watched its shape lit by the consuming flames as it drifted into the distance. Moonlight shone down on the waves from far above. It was beautiful, but distant and uncaring. And it was completely at odds with what Nikolai was feeling. He felt his wife’s presence next to his, her shoulder brushing his own, and he turned his head from the conflagration to look at her. Zoya’s profile was just visible from the glow of the flames and the moon.

“I didn’t want this,” he began.

“Neither one of us wanted this,” Zoya replied. “But it’s what Alina chose.” She paused. “It’s what _he _chose as well when he set himself against her.”__

__Nikolai frowned and looked back out at the ship growing smaller in the distance. “The Kerch have no idea how lucky they were tonight.”_ _

__“They’ll know soon enough. And with the new Ravka arrayed against them, they may just stop their war entirely. There will be no way for them to approach the Shu now. We can broker a peace. Things will go back to normal.” An uncharacteristic sigh slipped out of her. “Almost normal.”_ _

__Nikolai gave a mirthless laugh. “And all it took was our closest friend dying.”_ _

__Zoya nodded, and they stood in silence for a long while, watching the pyre they’d laid their friend and her lover onto as it floated away into the darkness, blazing like a star in the heavens. It had seemed only right to do her this honor and let them be reunited with their daughter in this small way._ _

__“Come on,” Zoya said finally, taking his arm. “Let’s get you back to your bunk. You’re still not fully healed yet.”_ _

__Nikolai took one last look across the water at the ship burning like a torch in the night. A crowd of people packed their ship’s railing. Some looked resigned at the sight before them, a few looked joyful in victory, and some of the Darkling’s crew and Alina’s friends had tears streaming down their faces._ _

__Turning away from the sight, Nikolai caught the twinkling of the actual stars high above. He felt in that moment that his friend’s soul rested there, somewhere far away. And Nikolai knew without a shadow of a doubt that somewhere in the realm of the dead, his friend and her child and the man she loved would be holding hands together, reunited once more._ _

__Together at last and for always._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried as I wrote this entire last chapter—sometimes so much that I couldn’t see the screen anymore. I can’t believe this trilogy of fics is finished after over a year of writing them. To be honest, I feel a little like a monster for putting these beloved characters through this. They deserve some happiness, and that’s why you can read on for the Choose Your Own Adventure happy ending version… But this was the story I felt shaping up even back when I was finishing A Kind of Paradise, and definitely as I wrote Dreams and Nightmares. Despite that, I can’t say thank you enough to everyone who made it this far reading and leaving comments and encouragement. Even if you hated this ending and much prefer the second ending, I hope some small part of you enjoyed visiting the Grisha world again while we wait for the Netflix series(!) and know that I value and treasure you for sticking with me and for sticking with this fic <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I already wrote a perfectly good/horrifically sad ending… But hey, we’re in a pandemic, and sometimes you just need a little happiness in your life! Read onwards for the This Fire in the Blood: The Director’s Cut Alternate Ending.

Alina lay beside Aleksander as long as she was able before easing from the bed and getting to her feet. She stepped lightly across the floor to reach her unbuttoned _kefta_ , pulling on her underthings before draping the fabric over her shoulders. As she buttoned the coat back up, she felt the small, subtle knock of the object in her sleeve against her wrist. It was a reminder of what she had to do—not what she wanted to do, but what she _had_ to do.

She settled herself back in the chair that looked out over the sea. Although it was dark now, she could imagine the waves lapping against the ship’s hull, and she tried to feel calmed by it as she unraveled the thread holding the sleeve closed.

Aleksander continued to sleep, and she curled her legs under her as she watched him. He looked so deceptively peaceful when he slept. If only she could bring out that side of him when he was awake as well. It seemed as if it were far too late for that and that he had decided his own course long ago. Now she could only enjoy the time that remained to them.

Her eyes drifted closed at one point, and when she opened them he was propped up on an elbow watching her.

“Couldn’t sleep,” she said in explanation, and he nodded.

“I would be happy to attempt to wear you out once more,” he offered with a small, knowing smile.

The satisfaction and surety in his expression made her laugh despite herself. “Yes, your skills are unparalleled at that, as we both know,” she said, and his smile broadened for a moment.

He gave a low laugh. “I would say that you bring out the best in me.”

The words sobered Alina, and her gaze was steady as she replied, “If only that were true.”

He sighed and tapped his fingers against the mattress. “Must we go over this again? I am who I am, Alina. I have had centuries to learn who that is and what I am willing to do to achieve my goals.” He raised an eyebrow. “You will learn the same lessons in time.”

Alina gave a short laugh. “I don’t think so. I would have to truly lose myself to reach the decisions you’ve made.”

His eyes cooled. “Then we will have to agree to disagree.”

Aleksander stood, and Alina considered looking away to give him some sense of privacy as he gathered his clothes from the ground. In the end, she admitted to herself that she didn’t want to. He was so beautiful. If she focused on just that, she would be able to forget the core of darkness inside of him that mirrored the darkness he commanded through his power.

She couldn’t forget who he was and what he intended to do. Not now. There was too much at stake for her to get cold feet no matter how much she wanted to pull back.

After he’d dressed, Aleksander picked up the book Alina had left discarded on the floor. “Would you care to read together?” he asked, extending an olive branch in a way he perhaps wouldn’t have when they’d first met.

“You go ahead. I’m not in the right mood.”

He shrugged as if to say “suit yourself” and opened the book to the page where she had left off. “One of my favorites,” he commented before he bent his head over the text and seemed to lose himself in it.

Alina couldn’t help but admire the sooty lashes that almost brushed his cheeks and the long fingers idly turning the pages of his book, and for a moment she raged against her destiny. After a while, a knock sounded at the door and they both raised their heads when Aleksander said, “Enter.”

It was Ivan, someone Alina would have been happy to never see again—let alone in her current state—but of course he was here. Where Aleksander went, so went his most faithful of Grisha. He bowed perfunctorily, nominally to both of them but mostly to his king. Alina was unsurprised at that.

“You asked to be alerted when the moon was at its highest,” Ivan said without preamble.

“I did. Let the crew know we’ll be preparing to slide through the Kerch defenses by this time tomorrow. And send a few crew members with a late dinner.”

Ivan bowed again. “At once.” His eyes skipped over Alina in her chair, and she didn’t think she imagined the satisfaction on his face at her capture when he turned to go. She gritted her teeth in response.

Aleksander rose and turned to the table, gathering the maps strewn about its surface and rolling them up before placing them in the nearby trunk. When two crew members entered a few minutes later, they brought twin plates, cutlery, and a bottle with them and set the items on the empty table before bowing and taking their leave.

Aleksander caught Alina’s eye and gestured to the chairs once he had arranged them across from each other. She joined him but had to stifle a laugh when she saw what sat before her. It was the same simple peasant food he had insisted they all eat at the Little Palace, and she shook her head to think of those old days and how young she’d been in comparison to now. She’d thought he’d hung the moon then, and while she still adored him, she knew he was fallible as any other man—perhaps more than most thanks to that damnable pride Baghra had warned her of.

He took in her amused expression. “What?”

“You never change, that’s all.”

He inclined his head. “Not in some ways, it is true.”

Alina picked up the bottle and sniffed it before wrinkling her nose. “ _Kvas_? Really? You know I hate the stuff.”

Aleksander gave a laugh of his own. “I know, but indulge me.”

“Fine. I suppose it’s better than nothing,” she sighed.

“Thank you.”

They sat in silence for some time, Aleksander eating and Alina watching him. She drew up her courage. It was time.

“You know,” she said as if making idle conversation, “You made a big mistake when you said you had everything now. You don’t have me anymore. Not really.”

He glanced pointedly towards the bed. “I seem to have you just fine,” he remarked, unable to keep the slight drawl of satisfaction out of his voice.

“That’s where you’re wrong,” she said. “You have a choice to make. You can either have your revenge or you can have me, but you can’t have both.”

“I disagree. And it is not simple revenge I seek.”

“No, but that’s a big part of it.”

He nodded. “I admit that it is.”

“I know how I’m going to stop you, though.”

“Do tell,” Aleksander said as he leaned back in his chair and watched her with enough condescension in his gaze to make her inwardly arch her back and hiss like a cat whose tail had been stepped on. “You have no ground to stand on, Alina,” he continued, and the small twist of his lips infuriated her. “You have no power here unless you wish to put a ship full of Grisha at risk including yourself.”

“I’m going to do what I have to do,” she said through clenched teeth “But first I’m going to ask you again to stop.”

“And I am going to once more tell you ‘No’. I will also tell you that you will understand what I have done in time. You will see that I was right.”

Alina shook her head. “That’s never going to happen. Never. And you wouldn’t even recognize me for myself if I went along with what you’re planning.” She paused. “You love me, don’t you.” It wasn’t a question.

He looked away from her then, always so uncomfortable expressing his feelings in that way. “You know I do,” he said softly.

“Then don’t throw away what we have.” It was her turn to look away as she said, “I know you grieve for Lada like I do, but there would be other children in time. Not to replace her, but to be a sign of our love.” She turned her head to face him once more. “If you don’t stop, you’ll be left with nothing. And I know you said the Grisha are your children now, but have they ever kept you warm at night as I have or returned your love the way your child did?”

He furrowed his brows. “This is not a conversation I am willing to have with you.”

“Well, you’re going to have it,” she said firmly. “Or you’re going to live through your centuries as a man alone in the world for all time. No love, no respite, no _anything_ that will keep you sane and human.”

"You have promised you would love me forever.” His look became assessing and cold. “Have you changed your mind, then?”

She shook her head. “I will always love you. But I changed my mind about what I was willing to do to stop you. I would never sacrifice all those people to your pride and your need for revenge.” She hesitated. “But I would sacrifice something else.”

She pulled out the vial from her pocket and uncapped it, holding it up for him to see it. Aleksander went very still.

“What’s the move you often used on me at home in our games? Sacrifice the Queen to destroy the King…”

He straightened in his chair. “Alina—” he began.

Her gaze bored into him as she raised it to him almost as if in a toast. “You know how much I love you, but even with all that I feel for you, I would still drink this if it meant saving thousands. Hundreds of thousands. I would be willing to do the one thing that you’ve always feared.” She paused to give her words even more weight. “I would leave you alone.”

The slight pallor in his cheeks was the only sign that he felt moved by the prospect. 

“I will do it, Aleksander. Don’t test me.”

He considered her words for a long moment and she saw his body tense. Shadows began to curl around the room. “I could take that from you. Lock you away until you see reason and understand.” The harshness in his voice told her how much the prospect of losing her undid him.

She gave a short laugh. “You think I didn’t consider the same thing with you? I’ve thought about what it would be like to keep you prisoner. It would be a victory of a sort. But it would be hollow. Meaningless.” She held her other hand up and let light spring into it. “If you make a move to hold onto me that way, I will sink this ship in a heartbeat and leave Nikolai and Zoya to rescue however many they can by the time they catch up. You know I can do it, too. It would be worth a few lives—including ours—to save so many others.”

He narrowed his eyes, still locked into position as if he would spring across the table.

“We’re equals, Aleksander,” she stated. “Equals. With everything that entails. You may think you can stop me from drinking this or from sinking this ship, but you can’t. And you’ll never find anyone to be there for you the way I have been and will be, either,” she added. “So choose.”

He turned his head from her and looked out the port windows before fixing her with a hard stare. 

“How can I not go forward with this, Alina? How will I respect myself, and how will I be able to look my people in the eye knowing I could have made a difference in their lives yet I threw it away? For you.”

Alina stared right back at him. “Aleksander… You _would_ be making a difference in their lives. You’re choosing life! Life for all of our people who won’t be caught up in your revenge. And that’s what it would be—empty revenge. Murdering the Kerch won’t bring back our little girl. But maybe together and with our people, we can rebuild what’s been destroyed and move on.”

“And if I cannot move on?” he asked quietly. “What then?”

Alina smiled softly at him. “I think you can. But if you can’t, then things end here. Right now.” Her smile turned steely.

“I am not the man you think I am, Alina. I cannot be generous with those who took our child from us. You are asking the impossible.”

“I think you’re the man I wanted to be with all those years ago and who I want to be with even more now. I’m not asking you to forget what happened or forgive those who are responsible. You can hunt down the ones who took her to your heart’s content. I’ll be right there alongside you. But not like this. Don’t build your kingdom on the blood and bones of the innocent. It will never last if you do. And then where will the Grisha be? They’ll be hunted down and reviled even more than before.” She watched him carefully. “Help me, Aleksander. I’m not trying to take away your revenge. I just need you to see the consequences of it if you go about it like this. You think through everything. Surely you’ve thought of this.”

He sighed and looked out the port windows again. She felt a surge of hope spill through her that he was considering it.

“Please,” she said. “Have me be your ally as I’ve been so many times over the years.” Her voice softened. “Choose life and choose us.”

He sat there a long time, and Alina knew he was thinking through every scenario and every repercussion of his various moves and strategies. She let him be and waited, knowing she’d made her case as best she could and secure in the fact that she was either going to win this argument or she was going to probably die alongside him and a ship full of Grisha.

Finally, he spoke as if more to himself than anything else. “Very well.”

Alina felt her hope now cresting like a wave as he turned to her. “We will return to the palace where we will meet with the generals and ministers. Just know,” he warned her, “it may mean war in the end. I will not rule that out.”

“I understand,” she said, keeping her joy contained deep within her, although she knew some of it must be shining from her eyes as if her light filled her from the inside out.

He gave her a knowing look, but a small smile tilted up the corner of his mouth as he said, “It seems I will let you persuade me to be a better man once more.”

She couldn’t hold in her small sigh of relief at his words. “Let’s go home,” she said.

Alina could have cried when he nodded in response. Aleksander rose from the table, and she made the calculated decision to trust him as she returned the vial to her pocket. She joined him around the side of the table, wrapping her arms around him in a hug that he finally returned before taking her hand and leading her out of the cabin and onto the deck.

Ivan approached warily, and Aleksander spoke to him in a low tone. She could see his eyebrows rise slightly, but he gave a short bow at once saying, “It will be done.” Alina knew this was the moment when it could all shift for her, and she had to trust Aleksander once again that he would keep his word and not turn on her.

But as the ship began to swing around in the darkness, her heart began to beat more steadily. It would be a long journey home, but she would cherish every moment with him—that he’d done this thing for her and moved away from his plan. As they came abreast of Nikolai’s ship, she could practically feel the members of the crew and the other Grisha staring at the two of them together on deck.

“Zoya and Nikolai will aid us in whatever we do as we go forward,” she pointed out.

“Do not make promises for others that you cannot keep,” Aleksander warned. “But I think you are right. I will see what we can achieve with the alliance between our kingdoms. Perhaps everything. Perhaps nothing. We will have to wait and find out.”

“I have faith in them. And in you,” she said.

Alina rested her head against his shoulder and looked up into the night sky. She could imagine Lada’s beautiful eyes in the sparkling starlight and her streaming hair in the wisps of clouds highlighted by the moon. And she could feel it in her bones that her daughter looked down on them and that they were still somehow together as a family here on the vast ocean that had taken their child from them but had given her and Aleksander a second chance together as well.

What more could she ask for, in the end? 

And as they sailed away into the night and into a future that still had darkness in it, but just as much light, she felt as if everything in her stilled and focused in on her standing there together with the love of her life. His steady presence was by her side, and his love a beacon she would cling to and build on in the coming days and all the years of her life to come.

They would live together and they would love together. Forever.

And she would not have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we are! I hope that sailing off into the sunset and into a fraught but happy future is a satisfying ending. Thank you thank you thank you for reading this! I said in the previous chapter’s author’s note that I can’t believe this trilogy of fics is over, and I really can’t. I so appreciate every single one of you who read and commented and gave kudos throughout this past year. It seriously often gave me a reason to get up in the morning during these godawful times. Take care of yourselves, and all the very best to you from this author <3


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